(first off yay for another stupid title)
Recently my brother got rejected by the college I currently go to. To say I was shocked is an understatement because I was more confident that he would get in than I was when I applied two years ago. I fully expected for him to get in and have no idea why that didn't happen and we'll never know. But that's not what this post is about. What it's about is that while I was sad to hear the news, there was also this little part of me that was like "ha".
Now why would that little part of me think like this? Here's why: everyone, and I mean everyone, in my family, constantly talks about how my brother is so smart and is a prodigy and yada yada. This is especially true with my grandma who always is like "I'm so proud of you Jessica but just wait until your brother gets out there". Maybe not word for word like that but it's the same idea every time that my brother is just so much smarter than me no matter what I do. In some way this feels like a tiny victory for that part of me that has been growing that seed of doubt in myself because of those constant comments by my family. And maybe hearing those things and wanting to prove them all wrong are why I'm so motivated to do well in my classes in which case I guess a shot to my self-esteem may be worth taking.
3/3/13
12/13/12
Random Facts
Flying from London to New York by Concord, due to the time zones crossed, you can arrive 2 hours before you leave.
Stressed is Desserts spelled backwards.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Clans
of long ago that wanted to get rid of unwanted people without killing
them used to burn their houses down -- hence the expression "to get
fired"
Before astronomers realized solar eclipses were caused by the moon, the
Chinese thought an enormous dragon swallowed the sun, and they made
as much noise as possible to scare the dragon away.
Scientists suggest that most people will fall in love approximately seven
times before marriage.
You cannot snore and dream at the same time.
In general, pregnant
women remember dreams more than other populations.
People who are born blind report no visual imagery in dreams, but they
experience a heightened sense of taste, touch, and smell. Those who become
sightless between the ages of five and seven may have visual images in their
dreams, while those who lose their vision after age seven continue to “see” in
their dreams, though images tend to fade as they grow older.
For reasons that are unknown, males dream of males more often than females
dream of males. This sexual asymmetry is universal and has emerged from at
least 29 different comparisons of male and female dreams—and it holds
true for children, adolescents, and adults in all parts of the world.
Major Mystery
It really bothers me when people compare their college majors to other people's. It seems like whenever I tell someone I'm a psychology major they automatically think that it's an easy major. This is completely untrue. The reason we all pick out our majors is because we take what we do well in or what we like doing. I bet if people in other majors tried to take the psych classes I have to take they would not do very well with them because that's just not the way their mind works. Just because you may understand matrices and know the fancy names for the bones of the body does not mean you know how people work.
I will admit that certain classes are harder than others. But that's not the point here. The point is that people degrade other majors which is not cool. I admit that even I've done it but I was thinking about this and now I realize how wrong it is. You say English is easy? Try taking some of those writing classes and realizing how awful your writing is. People don't choose the so-called 'easy' majors because they're lazy; they choose them because that's their passion. I know someone who is an anthropology major and even though she knows how hard it is to find a job with that, she chose it because she likes it and that's the way I think it should be.
Some of the worst people are the ones who are doing pre-health or law or nursing just because they want the high salary. When they complain about how hard their classes are I just think about how much easier it would be for them if they were just doing something they actually enjoyed doing. If they were working towards a goal they truly wanted for themselves besides just for the money, the hard work they were putting in would mean more to them. I'm not saying that salary shouldn't affect your decision of a major, but doing something you hate just to make more money just doesn't seem logical to me.
Sometimes when I tell people that I got good grades for the semester they will say things like "well you are a psych major". Like that means anything? It's not like I didn't have to work hard to get the grades I get. There's no such thing as an 'easy' A unless it's one of those pointless gen ed classes.
The bigger point here is that we each have things that we do well at, we each have different things that we want to do, and we shouldn't be putting each other down for pursuing what makes us happy. (But we can put down the people who are doing something literally just for money those people are the worst [going against my hero Liz Lemon who says graduate students are the worst])
So you science people go on dissecting animals, you math people keep on somehow using both numbers and the Greek alphabet to solve your problems, and I'll just continue on watching peoplelike a stalker
I will admit that certain classes are harder than others. But that's not the point here. The point is that people degrade other majors which is not cool. I admit that even I've done it but I was thinking about this and now I realize how wrong it is. You say English is easy? Try taking some of those writing classes and realizing how awful your writing is. People don't choose the so-called 'easy' majors because they're lazy; they choose them because that's their passion. I know someone who is an anthropology major and even though she knows how hard it is to find a job with that, she chose it because she likes it and that's the way I think it should be.
Some of the worst people are the ones who are doing pre-health or law or nursing just because they want the high salary. When they complain about how hard their classes are I just think about how much easier it would be for them if they were just doing something they actually enjoyed doing. If they were working towards a goal they truly wanted for themselves besides just for the money, the hard work they were putting in would mean more to them. I'm not saying that salary shouldn't affect your decision of a major, but doing something you hate just to make more money just doesn't seem logical to me.
Sometimes when I tell people that I got good grades for the semester they will say things like "well you are a psych major". Like that means anything? It's not like I didn't have to work hard to get the grades I get. There's no such thing as an 'easy' A unless it's one of those pointless gen ed classes.
The bigger point here is that we each have things that we do well at, we each have different things that we want to do, and we shouldn't be putting each other down for pursuing what makes us happy. (But we can put down the people who are doing something literally just for money those people are the worst [going against my hero Liz Lemon who says graduate students are the worst])
So you science people go on dissecting animals, you math people keep on somehow using both numbers and the Greek alphabet to solve your problems, and I'll just continue on watching people
7/11/12
Ranty McRant Rant
One thing that really bothers me is when people complain that nobody likes them. Instead of complaining about it all the time to people who can't make others like you, why don't you just try and do something about it yourself?
Face the reality here, it's not possible for every single person you meet to hate you. Unless you're a criminal or something but hey even then you can find some criminal friends (if that makes you feel better). This is the main reason I get angry/annoyed when people just assume other people won't like them just because they exist or something. If you go in with that attitude, the other person will pick up on it.
For so long I tried to get people's approval of me and what for? I quickly realized they weren't even really people I wanted to hang out with anyways. If someone can't accept me for who I am and how I act then the friendship just won't work. You can try as much as possible to force it to work for as long as you can but in the end it'll just crumble apart.
This is not to say I like the people who have the "this is me so deal with it" attitude. Sometimes we really do have flaws that we need to sort out for ourselves and if we don't recognize it even after people have told us about it, then it'll never go away. It might hurt to hear certain things from friends, but if they really are your friend you should take their criticism and really think about it and if it's valid. The only person who can change you is yourself.
The big thing here I wanted to rant about is how people say "forever alone" all the time and just assume they will never find what they are looking for. There is the possibility that you won't find it, but in the end people can end up having something even better that they didn't even know they wanted in the first place. This is especially so when they aren't really "alone". I know the definition of "forever alone" is supposed to be about having a girlfriend/boyfriend but I can guarantee that 95% or so of the people who constantly say this have people who care about them. It bothers me because they just don't realize the support system they already have and just want more. It makes it seem like the people you currently have just aren't good enough for you.
Just because you might not have a boyfriend/girlfriend it doesn't mean your life is nothing and you should complain about it to the people you already have. Unless your goal is to chase those people away so you truly can use the phrase "forever alone" and mean it.
Face the reality here, it's not possible for every single person you meet to hate you. Unless you're a criminal or something but hey even then you can find some criminal friends (if that makes you feel better). This is the main reason I get angry/annoyed when people just assume other people won't like them just because they exist or something. If you go in with that attitude, the other person will pick up on it.
For so long I tried to get people's approval of me and what for? I quickly realized they weren't even really people I wanted to hang out with anyways. If someone can't accept me for who I am and how I act then the friendship just won't work. You can try as much as possible to force it to work for as long as you can but in the end it'll just crumble apart.
This is not to say I like the people who have the "this is me so deal with it" attitude. Sometimes we really do have flaws that we need to sort out for ourselves and if we don't recognize it even after people have told us about it, then it'll never go away. It might hurt to hear certain things from friends, but if they really are your friend you should take their criticism and really think about it and if it's valid. The only person who can change you is yourself.
The big thing here I wanted to rant about is how people say "forever alone" all the time and just assume they will never find what they are looking for. There is the possibility that you won't find it, but in the end people can end up having something even better that they didn't even know they wanted in the first place. This is especially so when they aren't really "alone". I know the definition of "forever alone" is supposed to be about having a girlfriend/boyfriend but I can guarantee that 95% or so of the people who constantly say this have people who care about them. It bothers me because they just don't realize the support system they already have and just want more. It makes it seem like the people you currently have just aren't good enough for you.
Just because you might not have a boyfriend/girlfriend it doesn't mean your life is nothing and you should complain about it to the people you already have. Unless your goal is to chase those people away so you truly can use the phrase "forever alone" and mean it.
6/29/12
Le Ramble
This is a weird post because I'm starting it out about absolutely nothing but my mind has been like a mosquito on steroids flying around like crazy so it'll go somewhere I'm sure (or I hope).
Let's start with how I was talking to my dad today for a little bit (a little bit being like 10 minutes which is a lot for us actually) about how my brother blames his teachers for why he hasn't been doing too well in school. I'm not going to bother ranting about how annoying I find blaming others for your flaws is because I could talk about that alone for hours. Part of becoming a better person is taking things into your own hands and doing something about it yourself instead of just taking a passive role by saying it's someone else's fault for your shortcomings. And that's all I'll say.
When we were talking he kept telling me stories I've heard like five times from him and he thinks I always forget them. I know I forget a lot of things but I still don't like when people assume I just don't remember and they make fun of me for it; it's not like it's my fault my brain doesn't work too well in that department. Anyways, while he was telling me a story I'd already heard multiple times, I was thinking about how I wanted to tell him I remembered that story but then I didn't want to seem rude so I just listened to it again.
You know how when you're far away from a situation you think you'll do one thing but then as you get closer and closer to it you start doubting yourself more and more? I'm sure there's a name for that phenomenon but sadly I don't know it (even after searching around on Google for a little while). Yeah that thing happens to me all the time like I tell myself all the time, "Next time I talk to that person I'll tell them [insert thing here]" or "Next time I go to that class I'll finally talk to the person I sit next to". I go through all of this internal prep work to get ready for this situation but as it looms closer I back down from it and then it never even happens.
My dad was talking about how he likes to make his feelings clear to people and not hide them and I'm the opposite of that. I really wish I could be straightforward about that stuff but for whatever reason I just can't. I don't even think I can blame it on a trust issue type thing. I think it's just that I really hate talking about myself. Fun fact, when you first meet someone (and this is in general), if you let them talk about themselves a lot there's a higher chance that they will like you than if you just talk about random things. So basically people like when they can talk about their life.
I know how important it is for people to know what they mean to you and one of my favorite actresses says, “Don't wait until it's too late to say I love you.” I don't know why it is I just have a hard time telling people how much they mean to me. Maybe it's because I assume they just know it, which is not true. If you haven't voiced it they can't be sure. When you can tell someone you love them and you miss them and you feel emotions rushing through you, you know you really do mean it. Even if your feelings aren't reciprocated, it is definitely a good thing for people to know how you feel about them. And I do feel this way but every day I struggle to put into words all the things I want to say to people. It is getting better though.
So that was an interesting place I got to there. So this is my current mind spilled out to this page nobody looks at. K thx bye.
Let's start with how I was talking to my dad today for a little bit (a little bit being like 10 minutes which is a lot for us actually) about how my brother blames his teachers for why he hasn't been doing too well in school. I'm not going to bother ranting about how annoying I find blaming others for your flaws is because I could talk about that alone for hours. Part of becoming a better person is taking things into your own hands and doing something about it yourself instead of just taking a passive role by saying it's someone else's fault for your shortcomings. And that's all I'll say.
When we were talking he kept telling me stories I've heard like five times from him and he thinks I always forget them. I know I forget a lot of things but I still don't like when people assume I just don't remember and they make fun of me for it; it's not like it's my fault my brain doesn't work too well in that department. Anyways, while he was telling me a story I'd already heard multiple times, I was thinking about how I wanted to tell him I remembered that story but then I didn't want to seem rude so I just listened to it again.
You know how when you're far away from a situation you think you'll do one thing but then as you get closer and closer to it you start doubting yourself more and more? I'm sure there's a name for that phenomenon but sadly I don't know it (even after searching around on Google for a little while). Yeah that thing happens to me all the time like I tell myself all the time, "Next time I talk to that person I'll tell them [insert thing here]" or "Next time I go to that class I'll finally talk to the person I sit next to". I go through all of this internal prep work to get ready for this situation but as it looms closer I back down from it and then it never even happens.
My dad was talking about how he likes to make his feelings clear to people and not hide them and I'm the opposite of that. I really wish I could be straightforward about that stuff but for whatever reason I just can't. I don't even think I can blame it on a trust issue type thing. I think it's just that I really hate talking about myself. Fun fact, when you first meet someone (and this is in general), if you let them talk about themselves a lot there's a higher chance that they will like you than if you just talk about random things. So basically people like when they can talk about their life.
I know how important it is for people to know what they mean to you and one of my favorite actresses says, “Don't wait until it's too late to say I love you.” I don't know why it is I just have a hard time telling people how much they mean to me. Maybe it's because I assume they just know it, which is not true. If you haven't voiced it they can't be sure. When you can tell someone you love them and you miss them and you feel emotions rushing through you, you know you really do mean it. Even if your feelings aren't reciprocated, it is definitely a good thing for people to know how you feel about them. And I do feel this way but every day I struggle to put into words all the things I want to say to people. It is getting better though.
So that was an interesting place I got to there. So this is my current mind spilled out to this page nobody looks at. K thx bye.
6/17/12
Tuck the Darkness In
I know the 2 people who follow this blog probably don't even go on blogger anymore but I really needed to talk about this somewhere.
So today on tumblr one of the people I follow posted something that basically resembles a suicide note titled "Goodbye All!" and reads as follows: "Things have happened in my life . Some horrible stuff . Well I always believed we can deal with anything . But turns out I was wrong . Some things you can never deal with . There is no going back , nothing to go back to . Everything must end here , Life must end here . Meet ya’ll in heaven . I have had a great time with you all and I have always loved you all . I’m leaving this blog behind as my memory . Goodbye all . Take care"
Now, this is someone I've never really talked to, never met, someone who lives on the other side of the world in India. Even so, I almost cried when I read what she posted. More than half of the people on my tumblr are talking about her and hoping she's okay even though none of us ever met her face to face. She blogs a lot about the show Castle and somehow word got out to the Castle cast on Twitter of what was going on and they have all tweeted to say they care. Nobody knows how she's doing now; she posted that about 8 hours ago.
This just makes me think that stuff like this happens every single day and we don't even know about it. It's really sad because it makes you wish you could have done something to make it better for someone who's in that state of mind. Even if it's irrational, it's hard not to think that you could have helped in some way. And even practical strangers care about people who are considering suicide.
In some way this whole thing has made me realize I could never do it. I used to have bouts of depression once in a while and it would cross my mind for brief moments, but now I know I wouldn't do it. There's just so much I have to live for.
Anyways sorry for the depressing post but I needed to get this off my mind.
Update: She just posted on her Twitter that she is alive
So today on tumblr one of the people I follow posted something that basically resembles a suicide note titled "Goodbye All!" and reads as follows: "Things have happened in my life . Some horrible stuff . Well I always believed we can deal with anything . But turns out I was wrong . Some things you can never deal with . There is no going back , nothing to go back to . Everything must end here , Life must end here . Meet ya’ll in heaven . I have had a great time with you all and I have always loved you all . I’m leaving this blog behind as my memory . Goodbye all . Take care"
Now, this is someone I've never really talked to, never met, someone who lives on the other side of the world in India. Even so, I almost cried when I read what she posted. More than half of the people on my tumblr are talking about her and hoping she's okay even though none of us ever met her face to face. She blogs a lot about the show Castle and somehow word got out to the Castle cast on Twitter of what was going on and they have all tweeted to say they care. Nobody knows how she's doing now; she posted that about 8 hours ago.
This just makes me think that stuff like this happens every single day and we don't even know about it. It's really sad because it makes you wish you could have done something to make it better for someone who's in that state of mind. Even if it's irrational, it's hard not to think that you could have helped in some way. And even practical strangers care about people who are considering suicide.
In some way this whole thing has made me realize I could never do it. I used to have bouts of depression once in a while and it would cross my mind for brief moments, but now I know I wouldn't do it. There's just so much I have to live for.
Anyways sorry for the depressing post but I needed to get this off my mind.
Update: She just posted on her Twitter that she is alive
4/12/12
Where Are We Going?
While waiting to see Nick Offerman today, I noticed something I found
really weird. One row in front of me there was a guy and a girl sitting
next to each other but not talking to each other; the guy was on his
phone and the girl was pretty much staring into space. I figured they
didn't know each other but then a few minutes later they started
engaging in what I have termed 'excessive PDA'. There I was thinking
they didn't even know each other at all.
A few impatient minutes of waiting later, I noticed another guy sitting next to a girl and they also weren't really talking to each other. This time both of them were on their phones doing who knows what. I again deduced they didn't know each other because of the lack of acknowledging each others' existence. Yet again I was wrong; apparently they are a couple too.
I don't know if I can overgeneralize from this small observational study of mine but the implications for the direction 'couplehood' appears to be moving seems sad to me. If two people who are together can sit next to each other and practically ignore their significant other in place of doing something on their phone then what does that say? Seems to me people would rather be with their phones than with someone they care about. If that's where we're headed it's not like I can change it but I do want to comment on it because it bothers me more than it should.
A few impatient minutes of waiting later, I noticed another guy sitting next to a girl and they also weren't really talking to each other. This time both of them were on their phones doing who knows what. I again deduced they didn't know each other because of the lack of acknowledging each others' existence. Yet again I was wrong; apparently they are a couple too.
I don't know if I can overgeneralize from this small observational study of mine but the implications for the direction 'couplehood' appears to be moving seems sad to me. If two people who are together can sit next to each other and practically ignore their significant other in place of doing something on their phone then what does that say? Seems to me people would rather be with their phones than with someone they care about. If that's where we're headed it's not like I can change it but I do want to comment on it because it bothers me more than it should.
3/7/12
Defensive Pessimism
Today when I was studying for my Personality Psychology exam I came upon a curious term: "defensive pessimism". When I read the definition I was really intrigued.
"Defensive pessimism is a strategy used by anxious people to help them manage their anxiety so they can work productively. Defensive pessimists lower their expectations to help prepare themselves for the worst. Then, they mentally play through all the bad things that might happen. Though it sounds as if it might be depressing, defensive pessimism actually helps anxious people focus away from their emotions so that they can plan and act effectively"This sounds exactly like what I do all the time. It's nice to actually find a way to define it really. Even Oprah knows about defensive pessimism! Anyways I don't really have much to say about this just that it's interesting. Thanks to Andrew J. Elliot, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, who says "Research shows that if you pressure defensive pessimists into being optimistic, or try to manipulate their mood, their performance deteriorates". That at least could partially deter people from telling me I need to be optimistic.
1/10/12
My Opposite Self
So I'm taking a fiction writing course this semester and realized that I could actually write what I do in there on my poor, neglected blog. Good thing social services hasn't found me.
Anyways, the first prompt of the semester was that we were to write about our opposite selves. Who we would be if we were completely opposite of how we actually are. So here's what I wrote (and I know it's terrible):
My opposite self would be more outgoing and extroverted while also being the life of the party. I would be inclined to go to social events and would socialize with many people. I would also be egotistical and want to take credit for my achievements and would not be satisfied with allowing these achievements to go unnoticed by others. My opposite self would be confident in every situation and would be optimistic that everything turns out for the best and everything happens for a reason.
I found it interesting while I was listening to everyone say what they wrote. I listened for what each person decided to focus on about themselves that would be majorly different then who they are. Some people focused on how different they would look, some on how they would feel, and some on how they would act. Just made me think about what that says about each person based on what they wrote.
Anyways, the first prompt of the semester was that we were to write about our opposite selves. Who we would be if we were completely opposite of how we actually are. So here's what I wrote (and I know it's terrible):
My opposite self would be more outgoing and extroverted while also being the life of the party. I would be inclined to go to social events and would socialize with many people. I would also be egotistical and want to take credit for my achievements and would not be satisfied with allowing these achievements to go unnoticed by others. My opposite self would be confident in every situation and would be optimistic that everything turns out for the best and everything happens for a reason.
I found it interesting while I was listening to everyone say what they wrote. I listened for what each person decided to focus on about themselves that would be majorly different then who they are. Some people focused on how different they would look, some on how they would feel, and some on how they would act. Just made me think about what that says about each person based on what they wrote.
12/22/11
It bothers me probably more than it should when somebody just is incapable of understanding something I try to tell them. I really love and even enjoy trying to help people and make them realize things about themselves, but it gets really frustrating when I'm trying to help and they just don't get it. No matter how many ways I say something they just don't understand. Maybe this goes with the whole "you can't help someone unless they're willing to help themselves" which I know is true, but it's so annoying sometimes. I can think of so many ways to variate how I try to get across the same idea that it's crazy, but it just seems like when you've tried so many times like it's impossible.
The thing is, I don't want to give up on someone like this. I want to try as hard as I can to help them understand what I am trying to tell them. And even if they say they understand, it's still possible that they don't. But also if they do get it, they still might not act on it. I get that they may not want to, but I only tell people things when they need to hear it and I wish they knew that. But what happens when it just seems impossible?
One of the reasons I would love to be a therapist is because I like helping people. I like telling them my opinion on their options or just helping them understand themselves better than they did before. To me, to most important person to know in life is yourself. Some people don't take the time to think about how they may appear to other people (not in the physical aspect), or why it is certain things happen and it could just be because of who they are. There are also the type of people who automatically think something happened because of them and this type is just as bad. There are those who automatically blame themselves and those who blame others. For any kind of person, it may be hard to tell them something you think they should know, and sometimes when you get the courage to do it they hear you but don't really know what you said.
No matter how much you might want to help someone, a lot of times it really is impossible for you to directly impact the situation even if you may desire to do so. As a friend when you offer to be there for someone you have to know that your job isn't to solve your friend's problems; it's just to guide them in the right direction so they can figure it out themselves. From time to time you have to admit you can't help or even offer any advice but in those situations what you can do is show your friend that you're there for them and that in itself can help more than you may understand.
(P.s. I'll come up with a title for this later)
The thing is, I don't want to give up on someone like this. I want to try as hard as I can to help them understand what I am trying to tell them. And even if they say they understand, it's still possible that they don't. But also if they do get it, they still might not act on it. I get that they may not want to, but I only tell people things when they need to hear it and I wish they knew that. But what happens when it just seems impossible?
One of the reasons I would love to be a therapist is because I like helping people. I like telling them my opinion on their options or just helping them understand themselves better than they did before. To me, to most important person to know in life is yourself. Some people don't take the time to think about how they may appear to other people (not in the physical aspect), or why it is certain things happen and it could just be because of who they are. There are also the type of people who automatically think something happened because of them and this type is just as bad. There are those who automatically blame themselves and those who blame others. For any kind of person, it may be hard to tell them something you think they should know, and sometimes when you get the courage to do it they hear you but don't really know what you said.
No matter how much you might want to help someone, a lot of times it really is impossible for you to directly impact the situation even if you may desire to do so. As a friend when you offer to be there for someone you have to know that your job isn't to solve your friend's problems; it's just to guide them in the right direction so they can figure it out themselves. From time to time you have to admit you can't help or even offer any advice but in those situations what you can do is show your friend that you're there for them and that in itself can help more than you may understand.
(P.s. I'll come up with a title for this later)
10/10/11
Gender Roles
So lately in my sociology class all we've been doing is talking about gender roles in society. It's pretty obvious that my teacher is a feminist because practically every class period she brings up how women are still paid less than men for the same job. Anyways, we watched the following part of a documentary in class (start at around 1:18)
Commence discussion! Is it just me or are they going WAY overboard in analyzing Disney movies? It seems to me like regardless of how Disney portrays their characters, gender roles are still going to be instilled in children. Any movie where men or women aren't acting like they "should" be, it's usually in the genre of comedy. Simply living in society makes us learn gender roles so although these movies might reinforce them it's not like they are the reason that children learn how they are supposed to act. I think what Disney teaches is probably actually a good thing. Don't get me wrong, I hate gender stereotypes and think they're stupid, but if you don't act within those confines you're practically rejected from society. It's not like we can really do anything about gender roles; even though they've slightly changed over time we can't completely transform them. Women will always be the typical one who would be the stay-at-home parent and men will always be the typical one to be sitting on the couch watching football.
In my opinion we need gender roles to an extent. And it's not like we can't break out of these roles because we can, it's just not generally accepted by society. I feel that gender roles help guide our behaviors, I think we'd be lost without at least some inkling of how we should act in society. People like feminists really overemphasize women being 'mistreated', men have certain images they have to maintain too. In some ways it's harder to be a man than a woman, and vice versa.
Although it's true that often young girls act like and look up to princesses who are portrayed in Disney movies, oftentimes they are praised for this behavior. This made me think of Halloween which happens to be just around the corner which then led me to costume choices for children. You won't really see a girl dressed as Batman or a superhero and you won't see a guy dressed up as a princess. That's just not how it works. When a kid follows the gender role they are 'supposed' to, they're rewarded for it. It's never going to change so people need to just deal with it.
And I'm sorry Tina but that hair style would totally be a dealbreaker (to use your own term against your past self)
Commence discussion! Is it just me or are they going WAY overboard in analyzing Disney movies? It seems to me like regardless of how Disney portrays their characters, gender roles are still going to be instilled in children. Any movie where men or women aren't acting like they "should" be, it's usually in the genre of comedy. Simply living in society makes us learn gender roles so although these movies might reinforce them it's not like they are the reason that children learn how they are supposed to act. I think what Disney teaches is probably actually a good thing. Don't get me wrong, I hate gender stereotypes and think they're stupid, but if you don't act within those confines you're practically rejected from society. It's not like we can really do anything about gender roles; even though they've slightly changed over time we can't completely transform them. Women will always be the typical one who would be the stay-at-home parent and men will always be the typical one to be sitting on the couch watching football.
 | ||
| A young Tina Fey |
Although it's true that often young girls act like and look up to princesses who are portrayed in Disney movies, oftentimes they are praised for this behavior. This made me think of Halloween which happens to be just around the corner which then led me to costume choices for children. You won't really see a girl dressed as Batman or a superhero and you won't see a guy dressed up as a princess. That's just not how it works. When a kid follows the gender role they are 'supposed' to, they're rewarded for it. It's never going to change so people need to just deal with it.
And I'm sorry Tina but that hair style would totally be a dealbreaker (to use your own term against your past self)
10/4/11
Why I Like Cold Weather
This is a pretty random post, but I need a post so here one is. Recently at my college we've been having some nice cold weather and there are many reasons why I love it. I will now proceed to state them. And yes I am that bored/out of blog topics.
Reason 1: I get to wear my jackets
I love hoodies. Or just jackets in general. There's nothing more comfortable to me than jeans and a hoodie (except maybe just jeans and a T-shirt). The thing I do love about jackets is that I can just throw on any shirt whatsoever under it and it doesn't matter because the world will never see it!
Reason 2: I can lay in the grass in random places and study/sleep without looking really weird/passing out in the heat
I usually end up doing the latter (sleeping) because cold weather makes me sleepy. It's even nicer when you have a blanket (or snuggie, but those are not to be worn in public) but you can still feel the breeze on your face. And if you were just randomly laying somewhere and nobody else was doing it it would feel awkward so it's nice when it's cold because a lot of people randomly pick a place and sit around doing nothing.
Reason 3: It makes me actually want to do exercise (even though I'm usually still too lazy to actually do anything)
Way back when I used to play soccer (I really want to play again just for fun) I noticed that I always end up doing way better athletically when it was cold outside. I wasn't so quick to get winded and I was way more willing to actually be outside because it was not longer sweltering (that word is so weird I don't even know). So even though I think about how I should go do things outside because of the nicer weather I don't just because I'm a bum. At least it makes me think about how I should be doing something right?
Reason 4: It's not hot weather
'Nuf said
Reason 1: I get to wear my jackets
I love hoodies. Or just jackets in general. There's nothing more comfortable to me than jeans and a hoodie (except maybe just jeans and a T-shirt). The thing I do love about jackets is that I can just throw on any shirt whatsoever under it and it doesn't matter because the world will never see it!
Reason 2: I can lay in the grass in random places and study/sleep without looking really weird/passing out in the heat
I usually end up doing the latter (sleeping) because cold weather makes me sleepy. It's even nicer when you have a blanket (or snuggie, but those are not to be worn in public) but you can still feel the breeze on your face. And if you were just randomly laying somewhere and nobody else was doing it it would feel awkward so it's nice when it's cold because a lot of people randomly pick a place and sit around doing nothing.
Reason 3: It makes me actually want to do exercise (even though I'm usually still too lazy to actually do anything)
Way back when I used to play soccer (I really want to play again just for fun) I noticed that I always end up doing way better athletically when it was cold outside. I wasn't so quick to get winded and I was way more willing to actually be outside because it was not longer sweltering (that word is so weird I don't even know). So even though I think about how I should go do things outside because of the nicer weather I don't just because I'm a bum. At least it makes me think about how I should be doing something right?
Reason 4: It's not hot weather
'Nuf said
9/21/11
What's Inside
I've been thinking a lot lately. About nothing yet everything. Something I saw on Tumblr made me inspired to write this so here it is.
I find myself more and more wanting to talk to people, to make friends and seem like I'm interesting, yet even when I'm with my friends I don't really want to talk. I put in my earbuds and just listen to music. For some reason music has in essence become my best friend. I keep getting in these moods where all I want to do is just sit around and listen to music. On my way to class I listen to music and when I get there, for the ten or so minutes before class actually starts, I continue listening although inside I sort of want the people sitting around me to talk to me. At the same time, I worry that if they do start talking to me I'll just say something stupid and make them not want to talk to me ever again. Which I think may have happened in sociology the other day. I've been trying so hard to make friends that I may just be trying too hard. You know it's bad when you're carrying the entire conversation and the person you're talking to has nothing to say back. Then it just gets to the point where you're beyond relieved when the teacher tells everyone to stop talking because you need someone to tell you to shut up.
Recently I've been living more in my own head than in reality. I can't focus on anything because my mind is always so scattered. Jumping from thought to thought, from one possibility to the next. Right now I'm supposed to be studying for an astronomy test that I have tomorrow, but what am I doing? Listening to music of course. I can't remember what I read a while ago, but I somewhat-recently realized that my personality is me because I'm weak. I can't force myself to see the good in things, I just let everything bother me and can't even muster enough energy to get those thoughts out of my mind.
Scattery mind come back! So yeah back to how I practically ignore my friends when I'm with them. Wow I put that badly. For some reason I usually feel better just being around people I know and being in that environment without feeling the need to interact with that environment. The familiarity makes me feel comfortable and I'll just listen to my music and watch everyone else interact. I don't know if that's a weird thing, but that's just what I do for whatever reason.
εи∂
I find myself more and more wanting to talk to people, to make friends and seem like I'm interesting, yet even when I'm with my friends I don't really want to talk. I put in my earbuds and just listen to music. For some reason music has in essence become my best friend. I keep getting in these moods where all I want to do is just sit around and listen to music. On my way to class I listen to music and when I get there, for the ten or so minutes before class actually starts, I continue listening although inside I sort of want the people sitting around me to talk to me. At the same time, I worry that if they do start talking to me I'll just say something stupid and make them not want to talk to me ever again. Which I think may have happened in sociology the other day. I've been trying so hard to make friends that I may just be trying too hard. You know it's bad when you're carrying the entire conversation and the person you're talking to has nothing to say back. Then it just gets to the point where you're beyond relieved when the teacher tells everyone to stop talking because you need someone to tell you to shut up.
Recently I've been living more in my own head than in reality. I can't focus on anything because my mind is always so scattered. Jumping from thought to thought, from one possibility to the next. Right now I'm supposed to be studying for an astronomy test that I have tomorrow, but what am I doing? Listening to music of course. I can't remember what I read a while ago, but I somewhat-recently realized that my personality is me because I'm weak. I can't force myself to see the good in things, I just let everything bother me and can't even muster enough energy to get those thoughts out of my mind.
Scattery mind come back! So yeah back to how I practically ignore my friends when I'm with them. Wow I put that badly. For some reason I usually feel better just being around people I know and being in that environment without feeling the need to interact with that environment. The familiarity makes me feel comfortable and I'll just listen to my music and watch everyone else interact. I don't know if that's a weird thing, but that's just what I do for whatever reason.
εи∂
9/20/11
My Immortal
I know what you're probably thinking ; Oh great, there's a lot of text in this post I better prepare myself for yet another session of "Jessica Talks About Something Depressing", and yes you're completely right about that. But this time add some immortailty to the mix ;] Gotta make things spicy right?
Clearly, if you could be immortal, that means you can't die. Everybody knows this. But at the same time, it also means that you can't live. The whole idea of living is that eventually you die, and life ends. So if you can never die, then by the same token you can never really live. Without death, there can't be life. Most humans live their entire lives not doing dangerous things or things that could kill them, and these are good restraints. Takings risks is something most people are afraid to do because they want to keep living. That's the whole point; life is only life with the existence of death.
Maybe death is just like.. a side effect of life. But a really bad one (at least if you don't believe in an afterlife or reincanation or whatever). While you get to live and experience living, both the good and bad parts of it, eventually it wears off and you develop an immunity to life. Does that even make sense at all?
Oh and an anime called Casshern Sins set me off on this rant because it was talking about robots. That doesn't sound connected at all but I promise it is. I disagree with one character in the anime because he says that humans accept death; I don't believe this to be true. We spend time trying to avoid it and we live in constant fear of a force we can only see the effects of. Everything humans are afraid of all result in harm or death, and when we're faced with it, we don't accept it at all, we fight it for all we can in our minds. The robots in the anime want to live so badly that they are willing to kill someone just because of a rumor that killing him would allow them to live. While the robots are practically immortal because they are equipped with enough weapons to let them defend themselves from anything threatening, they still are focused on becoming mortal. This must mean that they understand that there isn't much to be made of an existence that never ends, because nothing will come with thrills and risks which is a major part of living.
Post title is from a song by Evanescence.
Clearly, if you could be immortal, that means you can't die. Everybody knows this. But at the same time, it also means that you can't live. The whole idea of living is that eventually you die, and life ends. So if you can never die, then by the same token you can never really live. Without death, there can't be life. Most humans live their entire lives not doing dangerous things or things that could kill them, and these are good restraints. Takings risks is something most people are afraid to do because they want to keep living. That's the whole point; life is only life with the existence of death.
Maybe death is just like.. a side effect of life. But a really bad one (at least if you don't believe in an afterlife or reincanation or whatever). While you get to live and experience living, both the good and bad parts of it, eventually it wears off and you develop an immunity to life. Does that even make sense at all?
Oh and an anime called Casshern Sins set me off on this rant because it was talking about robots. That doesn't sound connected at all but I promise it is. I disagree with one character in the anime because he says that humans accept death; I don't believe this to be true. We spend time trying to avoid it and we live in constant fear of a force we can only see the effects of. Everything humans are afraid of all result in harm or death, and when we're faced with it, we don't accept it at all, we fight it for all we can in our minds. The robots in the anime want to live so badly that they are willing to kill someone just because of a rumor that killing him would allow them to live. While the robots are practically immortal because they are equipped with enough weapons to let them defend themselves from anything threatening, they still are focused on becoming mortal. This must mean that they understand that there isn't much to be made of an existence that never ends, because nothing will come with thrills and risks which is a major part of living.
Post title is from a song by Evanescence.
8/30/11
That Thing Called College
Wow. So apparently I've already been here for over a week now. Which may not sound like a long time but it felt like it was so I'm saying it was. And no way am I writing this post to escape from the confusion of astronomical terms and mathy stuff. No way would I ever do anything like that.
Anyways, I think I'm finally starting to get used to the college life. I think I may have eaten just enough to survive in the first few days, but nothing's wrong with losing the "freshman 15" before possibly putting it back on right? At first I was having a hard time with the complete change of life. Now I have so much freedom and nobody telling me what to do which is both good and bad. I love being able to just go out and do what I want when I want with who I want, but I know once school is in full session with the crazy homeworks I won't have so much time. But I'll make the most of it while I can.
I'm really glad that I already knew a bunch of people going to UF because if I didn't I feel like I would just be cooped up in my dorm all the time being depressed and antisocial. Going to eat alone is both an awkward and sad experience although I don't really like to talk while I'm eating it's still nice to not have to sit by yourself. And still so, I feel like I might actually prefer not having known so many people because spending so much time with them detracts from any time I might spend making new friends. Although I have extremely horrible social skills, I'd like to believe that I would be able to make some friends. I've so far talked to two completely random people just because and I'm actually proud of myself for it. Any time I run into people I 'know' from high school, they'll wave and act like we were best buds just because of the familiarity aspect. In a new environment everyone runs back to the familiar and that's just what's been happening. People who never even acknowledged my existence now actually say hi to me and I kind of feel obliged to interact with them too. Just the other day I was with a group of high school people and we ran into other people from our high school too. Thing is, these were people I never really liked in the first place so as they talked to other people in the group I just stood by the edge of the conversation not saying anything because I didn't even want to have to pretend that I wanted to talk to them.
My roommate is fun and nice, but we haven't really done much together yet and we're still figuring each other out. A lot of time we spend is just separately on our computers and we haven't even really gone to eat together anywhere yet because we eat at different times. We have a class together and we sit together but we can't really talk during class.
More and more I keep feeling inadequate compared to other people and I can't stop comparing myself with other people. I keep feeling hypocritical and like I'm doing something I shouldn't even though I know I make my own decisions now. I have to stop thinking so much about things I can't really control because doing so isn't the best way to spend time. I'm learning how to adjust and realizing that I can go on without always seeing the people I used to think I couldn't live without. Don't get me wrong, I still love them, but in all my insecurities part of me felt like I'd never be able to make any other friends so I didn't want to even let go of them at all. I haven't really made too many new friends yet, but really it's only been a week and a half. I pretty much still have four long years ahead of me to make friends.
Either way, overall college has had it's ups and downs so far. I'd say I'm hoping for the best, but everyone knows I don't really do that. So here's to an unpredictable future.
Anyways, I think I'm finally starting to get used to the college life. I think I may have eaten just enough to survive in the first few days, but nothing's wrong with losing the "freshman 15" before possibly putting it back on right? At first I was having a hard time with the complete change of life. Now I have so much freedom and nobody telling me what to do which is both good and bad. I love being able to just go out and do what I want when I want with who I want, but I know once school is in full session with the crazy homeworks I won't have so much time. But I'll make the most of it while I can.
I'm really glad that I already knew a bunch of people going to UF because if I didn't I feel like I would just be cooped up in my dorm all the time being depressed and antisocial. Going to eat alone is both an awkward and sad experience although I don't really like to talk while I'm eating it's still nice to not have to sit by yourself. And still so, I feel like I might actually prefer not having known so many people because spending so much time with them detracts from any time I might spend making new friends. Although I have extremely horrible social skills, I'd like to believe that I would be able to make some friends. I've so far talked to two completely random people just because and I'm actually proud of myself for it. Any time I run into people I 'know' from high school, they'll wave and act like we were best buds just because of the familiarity aspect. In a new environment everyone runs back to the familiar and that's just what's been happening. People who never even acknowledged my existence now actually say hi to me and I kind of feel obliged to interact with them too. Just the other day I was with a group of high school people and we ran into other people from our high school too. Thing is, these were people I never really liked in the first place so as they talked to other people in the group I just stood by the edge of the conversation not saying anything because I didn't even want to have to pretend that I wanted to talk to them.
My roommate is fun and nice, but we haven't really done much together yet and we're still figuring each other out. A lot of time we spend is just separately on our computers and we haven't even really gone to eat together anywhere yet because we eat at different times. We have a class together and we sit together but we can't really talk during class.
More and more I keep feeling inadequate compared to other people and I can't stop comparing myself with other people. I keep feeling hypocritical and like I'm doing something I shouldn't even though I know I make my own decisions now. I have to stop thinking so much about things I can't really control because doing so isn't the best way to spend time. I'm learning how to adjust and realizing that I can go on without always seeing the people I used to think I couldn't live without. Don't get me wrong, I still love them, but in all my insecurities part of me felt like I'd never be able to make any other friends so I didn't want to even let go of them at all. I haven't really made too many new friends yet, but really it's only been a week and a half. I pretty much still have four long years ahead of me to make friends.
Either way, overall college has had it's ups and downs so far. I'd say I'm hoping for the best, but everyone knows I don't really do that. So here's to an unpredictable future.
8/26/11
The Situation
Well hello blog readers! I want to give you a hypothetical situation and see what you think about it. Remember; completely hypothetical. (And also hypothetically 'you' are a male)
Okay first imagine yourself sitting down in a van. It's a pretty big van that can fit up to 15 passengers in it with 3 people in each row. You sit by the window and then are joined by two girls. The girl directly to the right of you immediately sits down begins to adjust the air vent on the roof of the van so that it hits her. You then protest that she is hogging all the air, to which she replies "We were playing racquetball and I'm a cool kid and I wear jeans to the gym so I need some good cold air". You get slightly frustrated, but not in the bad kind of way just sort of playing around, and you push the vent so that it closes. The girl then glares at you, also jokingly, and then proceeds to reopen the vent so that the air goes to her.
After this, you hear the girl next to you begin to talk about how it would be a fun job to drive around students at night to which the girl farther away from you replies that it wouldn't go well because everyone would get lost. You laugh a little bit as you continue to listen and their conversation starts to get very strange. There is a sort of momentary silence, but it isn't long before the girl next to you says "It would be funny if the markings on this van faded and then they went to pick someone up who called for the van and just stopped next to the person and said 'Get in the van'". The girl farther from you laughs hysterically at this comment.
After the laughing fades away, she pulls out her phone and starts flipping through pictures that she has. The girl next to you asks the other girl if she happens to have any pictures of cheese on her phone, to which the response is that it would be a very strange thing to have a picture of cheese on your phone. The girl next to you then is punny and says that everyone should take a picture of cheese at some point, especially if it's very holey. Now as the other girl is flipping through her pictures, the girl who is next to you starts cracking up at one of them. She then says "You criticize people who would have a picture of cheese on your phone yet you have a picture of a watermelon on yours?!" which causes both girls to laugh hysterically.
Then the girl next to you turns to face you and tells you what just happened which you think is funny and you also begin to laugh. She then asks you whether you prefer cheese or watermelon to which you side with her and say that it would would be better to have a picture of cheese than have one of watermelon. A semi-serious conversational debate about watermelon vs cheese then ensues which you watch with great enjoyment because the argument is so pointless and incoherent that it's hilarious. Then the van stops and one of the girls has to get out because it's her stop, but before she leaves she says to you "Well it was nice creeping you out random stranger". Then she walks out of the van leaving you and the other girl in that row.
What kind of first impression would you get of those two girls? I actually really want to know what someone would think of people. Y'know if they did that. But remember here; completely hypothetical.
Okay fine, so I was that girl, the one sitting next to 'you'. I don't even know what came over me, but I was just acting strange tonight so I was actually being outgoing. I included a random guy in an even more random conversation, and I didn't get a strange look on his face. I do kind of wonder if he thought we were the weirdest people he's ever eavesdropped on in his life, but he didn't seem to think we were extremely crazy. I actually wish I could be like that more often; I'd like if people's first impressions of me were more like that. That way I'd never ever have to try to pretend to be normal, because it's just not fun. I mean if I can start a conversation about cheese vs watermelon and actually get someone to participate in it I think that person would be worth talking to more. It's too bad I never got that guy's name though... Oh well. I'll just call him "cheese guy".
(Also, I have no idea if anybody will get the reference made in the title and if they do they will be shocked that I would even reference something so stupid or even know enough about it to be able to reference it in the first place)
Okay first imagine yourself sitting down in a van. It's a pretty big van that can fit up to 15 passengers in it with 3 people in each row. You sit by the window and then are joined by two girls. The girl directly to the right of you immediately sits down begins to adjust the air vent on the roof of the van so that it hits her. You then protest that she is hogging all the air, to which she replies "We were playing racquetball and I'm a cool kid and I wear jeans to the gym so I need some good cold air". You get slightly frustrated, but not in the bad kind of way just sort of playing around, and you push the vent so that it closes. The girl then glares at you, also jokingly, and then proceeds to reopen the vent so that the air goes to her.
After this, you hear the girl next to you begin to talk about how it would be a fun job to drive around students at night to which the girl farther away from you replies that it wouldn't go well because everyone would get lost. You laugh a little bit as you continue to listen and their conversation starts to get very strange. There is a sort of momentary silence, but it isn't long before the girl next to you says "It would be funny if the markings on this van faded and then they went to pick someone up who called for the van and just stopped next to the person and said 'Get in the van'". The girl farther from you laughs hysterically at this comment.
After the laughing fades away, she pulls out her phone and starts flipping through pictures that she has. The girl next to you asks the other girl if she happens to have any pictures of cheese on her phone, to which the response is that it would be a very strange thing to have a picture of cheese on your phone. The girl next to you then is punny and says that everyone should take a picture of cheese at some point, especially if it's very holey. Now as the other girl is flipping through her pictures, the girl who is next to you starts cracking up at one of them. She then says "You criticize people who would have a picture of cheese on your phone yet you have a picture of a watermelon on yours?!" which causes both girls to laugh hysterically.
Then the girl next to you turns to face you and tells you what just happened which you think is funny and you also begin to laugh. She then asks you whether you prefer cheese or watermelon to which you side with her and say that it would would be better to have a picture of cheese than have one of watermelon. A semi-serious conversational debate about watermelon vs cheese then ensues which you watch with great enjoyment because the argument is so pointless and incoherent that it's hilarious. Then the van stops and one of the girls has to get out because it's her stop, but before she leaves she says to you "Well it was nice creeping you out random stranger". Then she walks out of the van leaving you and the other girl in that row.
What kind of first impression would you get of those two girls? I actually really want to know what someone would think of people. Y'know if they did that. But remember here; completely hypothetical.
Okay fine, so I was that girl, the one sitting next to 'you'. I don't even know what came over me, but I was just acting strange tonight so I was actually being outgoing. I included a random guy in an even more random conversation, and I didn't get a strange look on his face. I do kind of wonder if he thought we were the weirdest people he's ever eavesdropped on in his life, but he didn't seem to think we were extremely crazy. I actually wish I could be like that more often; I'd like if people's first impressions of me were more like that. That way I'd never ever have to try to pretend to be normal, because it's just not fun. I mean if I can start a conversation about cheese vs watermelon and actually get someone to participate in it I think that person would be worth talking to more. It's too bad I never got that guy's name though... Oh well. I'll just call him "cheese guy".
(Also, I have no idea if anybody will get the reference made in the title and if they do they will be shocked that I would even reference something so stupid or even know enough about it to be able to reference it in the first place)
8/13/11
My Puppy
I think everyone who knows me knows I love my dog (possibly too much). She's my baby and I admit I do sometimes obsess over her. Today she got scared by a thunderstorm so she decided to just follow me around the house for a while so she didn't have to be alone. After the storm was over, she was in my room and my closet door was open. I was sitting on my bed just looking at her when she decided she wanted to go into my closet.
So she went in my closet (which has sliding doors) and went to the end that wasn't opened and just stood there facing the wall for a few seconds. I got up off my bed and opened the side of the closet she was on and she poked her head out at me before she turned around and went back to the other side of the closet which was now closed because I'd opened the other side for her. I then went to the side where she was and again slid the doors open for her to be able to get out. I think she thought this was some kind of game because she did it over and over again. After she was done with her cute 'game' she licked me a lot as if she was thanking me for playing with her. She was so adorable. I'm going to miss hugging her to death every day.
So she went in my closet (which has sliding doors) and went to the end that wasn't opened and just stood there facing the wall for a few seconds. I got up off my bed and opened the side of the closet she was on and she poked her head out at me before she turned around and went back to the other side of the closet which was now closed because I'd opened the other side for her. I then went to the side where she was and again slid the doors open for her to be able to get out. I think she thought this was some kind of game because she did it over and over again. After she was done with her cute 'game' she licked me a lot as if she was thanking me for playing with her. She was so adorable. I'm going to miss hugging her to death every day.
8/7/11
20Q! (+10)
I'm bored and need a post. Stolen from Juliana.
1. Name one thing that has always fascinated you. I constantly think about life and death.
2. What was a time when your life did not meet your or others’ expectations? I sort of always feel like a failure XD
3. Can you judge a book by its cover? Everyone says you shouldn't but humans can't help but factor it in
4. What is your lucky number, and why is it so lucky? I like 298 (don't ask) and 16 because it was my jersey number for soccer
5. Is there anything you, ‘just know’ and have no explainable or rational way to explain how you know it? About what exactly? I 'just know' quite a lot of things based on observations or guesses.
6. Name one thing in your life you hope you never have to see or encounter again. A giant frog being on my bathroom mirror. I literally couldn't sleep for several nights after that experience
7. What was the most personal question someone ever asked you? Did you answer it? People don't ask me personal questions because they know I won't answer them
8. What was your first sexual experience? -
9. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? Not too long ago I'd say I'd want to completely change myself into a different person. But now I'm between having more patience or being more outgoing.
10. Have you ever wanted to trade places with someone else for a day, week, or a lifetime? If so, who was it and why? I think everyone's wanted to. I'd kinda wanna be Tina Fey. I dunno if that counts as trading places.
11. What would someone see if they went in your closet right now? Not much. I'm cleaning it out for college
12. Have you ever had a crush on someone you shouldn’t? I don't really know what you mean by "shouldn't".
13. Name something you’ve always wanted that you will never ever have. Confidence
14. Who was your first boyfriend? Michael
15. If you could choose to believe in Science or religion, which would you choose and why? This is a tough one. Both lead to unanswered questions, but I tend to like fact which means science.
16. What was your last food craving? I keep wanting pizza.
17. What is your favorite place to get breakfast? I don't get breakfast
18. When did you last speak to your best friend? What did you talk about? I'm always talking to Juliana and I talked to Emily about ninja info cards.
19. “Being bad feels pretty good.” What do you think about this? People get thrills for doing things they're told not to do. It's stupid, but it's human.
20. What is the first thing you usually think of when you get up in the morning? Either "I really don't want to get up" or "I need to make this headache go away"
21. What is something you can do now that you could not do four years ago? I don't even know
22. Would you have sex with someone you don’t love? My answer to questions like this is always that these things are completely circumstantial so I'll go with that.
23. Of all the people you know, who do you feel most comfortable talking to or can talk to about anything? Michael probably because I've known him for a long time
24. Assuming you’ve lost your virginity, at what age did you lose it? You assume incorrectly
25. How good are you at keeping secrets? I keep both my own secrets and those other people trust me with.
26. Do you have a personal secret even your closest friends don’t know? I probably do but I can't really think of anything and I don't even know if I'd remember it myself
27. Do you believe in reincarnation? I think it's an interesting concept but I don't think I believe in it
28. Has anyone (besides yourself) ever read your diary, either with or without your permission? No.
29. Have you ever had a crush on an authority figure (i.e. boss, teacher, etc.). Nope
30. Have you ever felt as if you were a failure or somehow ‘failed’ someone you care about? Refer to #2
1. Name one thing that has always fascinated you. I constantly think about life and death.
2. What was a time when your life did not meet your or others’ expectations? I sort of always feel like a failure XD
3. Can you judge a book by its cover? Everyone says you shouldn't but humans can't help but factor it in
4. What is your lucky number, and why is it so lucky? I like 298 (don't ask) and 16 because it was my jersey number for soccer
5. Is there anything you, ‘just know’ and have no explainable or rational way to explain how you know it? About what exactly? I 'just know' quite a lot of things based on observations or guesses.
6. Name one thing in your life you hope you never have to see or encounter again. A giant frog being on my bathroom mirror. I literally couldn't sleep for several nights after that experience
7. What was the most personal question someone ever asked you? Did you answer it? People don't ask me personal questions because they know I won't answer them
8. What was your first sexual experience? -
9. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? Not too long ago I'd say I'd want to completely change myself into a different person. But now I'm between having more patience or being more outgoing.
10. Have you ever wanted to trade places with someone else for a day, week, or a lifetime? If so, who was it and why? I think everyone's wanted to. I'd kinda wanna be Tina Fey. I dunno if that counts as trading places.
11. What would someone see if they went in your closet right now? Not much. I'm cleaning it out for college
12. Have you ever had a crush on someone you shouldn’t? I don't really know what you mean by "shouldn't".
13. Name something you’ve always wanted that you will never ever have. Confidence
14. Who was your first boyfriend? Michael
15. If you could choose to believe in Science or religion, which would you choose and why? This is a tough one. Both lead to unanswered questions, but I tend to like fact which means science.
16. What was your last food craving? I keep wanting pizza.
17. What is your favorite place to get breakfast? I don't get breakfast
18. When did you last speak to your best friend? What did you talk about? I'm always talking to Juliana and I talked to Emily about ninja info cards.
19. “Being bad feels pretty good.” What do you think about this? People get thrills for doing things they're told not to do. It's stupid, but it's human.
20. What is the first thing you usually think of when you get up in the morning? Either "I really don't want to get up" or "I need to make this headache go away"
21. What is something you can do now that you could not do four years ago? I don't even know
22. Would you have sex with someone you don’t love? My answer to questions like this is always that these things are completely circumstantial so I'll go with that.
23. Of all the people you know, who do you feel most comfortable talking to or can talk to about anything? Michael probably because I've known him for a long time
24. Assuming you’ve lost your virginity, at what age did you lose it? You assume incorrectly
25. How good are you at keeping secrets? I keep both my own secrets and those other people trust me with.
26. Do you have a personal secret even your closest friends don’t know? I probably do but I can't really think of anything and I don't even know if I'd remember it myself
27. Do you believe in reincarnation? I think it's an interesting concept but I don't think I believe in it
28. Has anyone (besides yourself) ever read your diary, either with or without your permission? No.
29. Have you ever had a crush on an authority figure (i.e. boss, teacher, etc.). Nope
30. Have you ever felt as if you were a failure or somehow ‘failed’ someone you care about? Refer to #2
7/17/11
What Are We Worth?
I read an article in the newspaper yesterday about the value of human life. Apparently certain groups/companies tell people how much money they think a human life is worth. And so do certain parts of the government. What I don't get is how it can change from one year to the next or even one company to the next. According to these companies, people have become more valuable in recent years even though the amount of people has also been growing. And how can we say that every life has the same value? Can we even say that? Is it wrong to think that someone could be considered more or even less valuable than someone else?
We all know that certain people mean more to us than others; we can't help that. Our friends and family are more important to us than complete strangers are. While we do care about people that we don't really know, we don't care about them as much as the people we know more personally. Then there are the celebrities who everybody knows about. People seem to think celebrities are worth more than normal people just because people know who they are. How can we measure how much people are worth? And why do we even feel the need to measure it? I think it's the human thing to do: stick a price tag on life. Making something "worth" money puts it in perspective for us.
The statistics:
We all know that certain people mean more to us than others; we can't help that. Our friends and family are more important to us than complete strangers are. While we do care about people that we don't really know, we don't care about them as much as the people we know more personally. Then there are the celebrities who everybody knows about. People seem to think celebrities are worth more than normal people just because people know who they are. How can we measure how much people are worth? And why do we even feel the need to measure it? I think it's the human thing to do: stick a price tag on life. Making something "worth" money puts it in perspective for us.
The statistics:
- The Environmental Potection Agency set the value for $9.1 million while during the Bush administration the EPA set $6.8 million
- The Food and Drug Administration figured $7.9 million but in 2008 the FDA estimated $5 million
- The Transportation Department put our worth at $6 million
6/22/11
Depressive Realism
I was on stumbleupon the other day and found a Wikipedia page titled "Depressive Realism". The idea of it is that people who are thought of to be depressed are actually that way because they see the world as it actually is. Since they don't see things are being better than they actually are because they are pessimistic, it's possible they see the world without any other constructs blocking it.
I don't know if there really is an "actual world" exactly, I just think that the world is the way we see it. We can't see it any other way than we do, so that is the world to us. If there is just one "actual world", then it does make sense that people who are depressed would see it more accurately than people who aren't. Without the positive emotions to make the world look better than it could actually be, it could make you see the world as something closer to what it actually is. But at the same time with people who are severely depressed they would see everything with a negative light to it which would also be away from reality.
Either way, I think the world only exists as we see it and that there isn't a "correct" view of it. How we see it is what the world is to us and even though our view of it may change that doesn't necessarily mean the actual world changes. To us it does, but that's just a shift of perspective. I don't know if anything I just said makes any sense but I tried.
I don't know if there really is an "actual world" exactly, I just think that the world is the way we see it. We can't see it any other way than we do, so that is the world to us. If there is just one "actual world", then it does make sense that people who are depressed would see it more accurately than people who aren't. Without the positive emotions to make the world look better than it could actually be, it could make you see the world as something closer to what it actually is. But at the same time with people who are severely depressed they would see everything with a negative light to it which would also be away from reality.
Either way, I think the world only exists as we see it and that there isn't a "correct" view of it. How we see it is what the world is to us and even though our view of it may change that doesn't necessarily mean the actual world changes. To us it does, but that's just a shift of perspective. I don't know if anything I just said makes any sense but I tried.
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