One of the reasons that I don't like trying to tell people about what I'm feeling is because I know they can never possibly understand. No matter how much I can describe how I feel even though I hardly ever do, that's only the way I know how to convey it. They can't know exactly how I feel; how sad or how happy. Emotions are weird. We have words for them like happy or sad, but those words can't capture every type of feeling you can have. And it's rare that you only feel one emotion at a time. Plus there's always going to be a time when even you don't know how you feel. I know talking about it is supposed to help, but even so whoever you talk to can say they understand as many times as they want to but that's to make you feel better and not alone.
We talked about this in my TOK class last year although we mostly talked about trying to convey our feelings of physical pain. Let's say hypothetically you get shot and someone asks you to explain how it felt. You can use all the words you can possibly think of to describe it but they'll never know how it felt unless it happens to them. And even then they would most likely describe it differently than you did.
This is also the same with emotions and mental state. People can ask all they want how you feel and no matter what you say, all they can do is try and relate what you're saying to their experiences. Even if they have gone through the same exact thing as you have, they still won't feel everything the way you did. Part of this is how we interpret what's going on. While someone may be really bothered by something happening, another person could be okay with the same exact thing happening to them. I realize that I get stressed out about pretty much anything and I don't want to tell someone how much something is bothering me only to get that vibe that they're thinking Wow that is so unimportant why does it matter so much to her. We can believe all we want that we understand how someone feels, but it's just not possible.
2/27/11
2/18/11
False Truth
How long and often should people live in lies and fantasies if they should at all? If it's not harming them, why tell them the truth? Some people can't handle the truth, and it's these people that we regularly find living in a fantasy land while they don't even apprehend they are. I guess it's different for everyone; I know people who I could never tell the truth to if I know it will upset them because they can't handle it. But I also know people who can accept reality and I know they will be okay if I tell them what I need to.
Sometimes we can have the mental capacity of children. We want to believe in the goodness of people and we trust them to tell us something if we need to know it. Children can't handle the truth of the world, even about little things because they can't be exposed to the darkness and corruption of the world when they are at such a young age that they can't understand why it is that they can't eat pizza every night for dinner. We have to let them believe in things that don't exist and it breaks their heart once they learn it was all a lie. So why do we tell children lies and keep feeding them false stories? It's because we just can't tell them the truth. We try to let them keep their innocence as long as we can because it's this innocence that is the hardest thing to see destroyed. And it's not something that we want to destroy ourselves.
I find myself feeling like this a lot lately. I know some people who I just can't tell them what they're missing because I know they can't take it. When someone like this misinterprets something or doesn't understand it, I can't bring myself to shatter their newly created reality. I get upset when I know I should say something but I just can't because I feel that the person should just be allowed to live in their world. But people shouldn't be able to live in their own worlds although that kind of is reality. Reality is different for everyone. Letting people believe in this false truth does make me feel bad, but inside I hope that they don't find out the truth. Because if they do find it and they know I didn't tell them, it's my fault. Not only this, but if they find the truth they're upset for not finding it before and then their truth is crushed which is devastating to anyone.
The worst thing is when you try so hard to cover up the truth that you spin a web of lies. Sometimes I try too hard to not let people figure out something because I feel that it will hurt them more to find out than to keep on believing. If something really does need to be said, it still takes me a while to be able to say it and even when I do, I try to say it the nicest way possible to those people that need it to be sweetened up. I'm just not good at being straightforward, but especially not with those people that seem to still have some resemblance of the childlike innocence we all sometimes wish we still had. But at the same time having this innocence seems more like a curse to me.
"I couldn't lie anymore sir. Because everyone knows the weight of a lie makes your soul so heavy that you can't rise up to heaven... And you don't look good in jeans from behind." -Kenneth in 30 Rock
Sometimes we can have the mental capacity of children. We want to believe in the goodness of people and we trust them to tell us something if we need to know it. Children can't handle the truth of the world, even about little things because they can't be exposed to the darkness and corruption of the world when they are at such a young age that they can't understand why it is that they can't eat pizza every night for dinner. We have to let them believe in things that don't exist and it breaks their heart once they learn it was all a lie. So why do we tell children lies and keep feeding them false stories? It's because we just can't tell them the truth. We try to let them keep their innocence as long as we can because it's this innocence that is the hardest thing to see destroyed. And it's not something that we want to destroy ourselves.
I find myself feeling like this a lot lately. I know some people who I just can't tell them what they're missing because I know they can't take it. When someone like this misinterprets something or doesn't understand it, I can't bring myself to shatter their newly created reality. I get upset when I know I should say something but I just can't because I feel that the person should just be allowed to live in their world. But people shouldn't be able to live in their own worlds although that kind of is reality. Reality is different for everyone. Letting people believe in this false truth does make me feel bad, but inside I hope that they don't find out the truth. Because if they do find it and they know I didn't tell them, it's my fault. Not only this, but if they find the truth they're upset for not finding it before and then their truth is crushed which is devastating to anyone.
The worst thing is when you try so hard to cover up the truth that you spin a web of lies. Sometimes I try too hard to not let people figure out something because I feel that it will hurt them more to find out than to keep on believing. If something really does need to be said, it still takes me a while to be able to say it and even when I do, I try to say it the nicest way possible to those people that need it to be sweetened up. I'm just not good at being straightforward, but especially not with those people that seem to still have some resemblance of the childlike innocence we all sometimes wish we still had. But at the same time having this innocence seems more like a curse to me.
"I couldn't lie anymore sir. Because everyone knows the weight of a lie makes your soul so heavy that you can't rise up to heaven... And you don't look good in jeans from behind." -Kenneth in 30 Rock
2/12/11
Some Random Rambling
I've been thinking lately and it's just random thinking which is kind of weird. So these are just a few things that I've been thinking about.
1. Merit pay for teachers
Can someone tell me why this could be a good idea at all? Basing teachers' pay off of the performance of students is ridiculous. If these aptitude tests only count for seeing how much a teacher gets paid, and most of the students who have the teacher don't like him/her they could all fail it just so the teacher could get fired. And how is that going to help? A fully competent teacher could get fired just for not being liked by his/her students. Also, certain kids are expected to be at different levels. If this could have any chance of working, there would have to be about 600 different tests made; all for different schools. Teachers can't work miracles. And kids have to want to help themselves for them to be able to keep up with the work and be successful. The whole thing is just absurd to me.
2. Buying those "limited edition" coins
Why would you do that? I saw an ad in the newspaper the other day with a great offer in it: buy a "limited edition" $2 coin for $399. To me that's basically going up to the company and saying "Hey can I get change for this $100 bill?" and they say "What do you want to exchange for" then you say "A $1 bill". That's just completely unrealistic. I understand the whole wanting to collect the coins because they did look pretty cool but why pay that much money for a pretty looking coin (about quarter-sized) when you can buy a perfectly shiny PS3 that you can actually play with?
3. Using a girl voice actor for a guy in cartoons
Seriously? Why would they even do that? I've been watching an anime called Soul Eater and one of the characters named Black Star is voiced by a really obnoxious girl. And yes, Black Star is a boy. And Ash in Pokemon is voiced by a girl too. I'd been watching Soul Eater for a couple of hours but then I had to stop because Black Star was making me annoyed. Part of that is probably the actual character but the fact that a person that looks like a guy but talks like a girl is obnoxious too. I literally skip past any scene with Black Star in it because I just can't stand the voice.
4. Those awkward movie scenes
I can't be the only one who wonders what happens after those awkward conversations in movies where the people end up just sitting there looking at each other. Do they just get up and leave at the same time or just sit there for a while until one of them awkwardly decides to get up? Or do they possibly just start up some small talk? This keeps bothering me because I know scenes in real life don't just fade out and be over.
1. Merit pay for teachers
Can someone tell me why this could be a good idea at all? Basing teachers' pay off of the performance of students is ridiculous. If these aptitude tests only count for seeing how much a teacher gets paid, and most of the students who have the teacher don't like him/her they could all fail it just so the teacher could get fired. And how is that going to help? A fully competent teacher could get fired just for not being liked by his/her students. Also, certain kids are expected to be at different levels. If this could have any chance of working, there would have to be about 600 different tests made; all for different schools. Teachers can't work miracles. And kids have to want to help themselves for them to be able to keep up with the work and be successful. The whole thing is just absurd to me.
2. Buying those "limited edition" coins
Why would you do that? I saw an ad in the newspaper the other day with a great offer in it: buy a "limited edition" $2 coin for $399. To me that's basically going up to the company and saying "Hey can I get change for this $100 bill?" and they say "What do you want to exchange for" then you say "A $1 bill". That's just completely unrealistic. I understand the whole wanting to collect the coins because they did look pretty cool but why pay that much money for a pretty looking coin (about quarter-sized) when you can buy a perfectly shiny PS3 that you can actually play with?
3. Using a girl voice actor for a guy in cartoons
Seriously? Why would they even do that? I've been watching an anime called Soul Eater and one of the characters named Black Star is voiced by a really obnoxious girl. And yes, Black Star is a boy. And Ash in Pokemon is voiced by a girl too. I'd been watching Soul Eater for a couple of hours but then I had to stop because Black Star was making me annoyed. Part of that is probably the actual character but the fact that a person that looks like a guy but talks like a girl is obnoxious too. I literally skip past any scene with Black Star in it because I just can't stand the voice.
4. Those awkward movie scenes
I can't be the only one who wonders what happens after those awkward conversations in movies where the people end up just sitting there looking at each other. Do they just get up and leave at the same time or just sit there for a while until one of them awkwardly decides to get up? Or do they possibly just start up some small talk? This keeps bothering me because I know scenes in real life don't just fade out and be over.
2/1/11
Remains
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