Recently I've been reading a lot about introverts and I realized that I fit the criteria (almost) perfectly. One of the things that I used to think was totally irrational for me to feel is how much I hate talking on the phone. It comforts me to know that a lot of other people are like this too and that it's an introvert thing. Whenever the phone rings, I tend to try to ignore it as much as possible unless I either know the call isn't for me (that way I can get rid of the phone really quickly) or if the person calling is someone I actually wanted to talk to at the time. Admittedly, I do have more reason for avoiding phones than just the introvert excuse, but still. Apparently even babbling is a sign of introversion which kind of surprised me because I thought introversion was the same thing as shyness but now I've read a few things that show they really aren't the same thing. I used to babble a lot; and I mean a lot, but I've gotten much better about it. Mostly because I now know that people don't really want to hear me talk. .
One article (An Introvert Offline is and Introvert Online) said that introverts are also likely to be those people that hardly ever post anything on Facebook and this completely applies to me too. Sometimes I do post something on there but then I delete it minutes or sometimes even seconds later. I worry that either it will be completely ignored by all 150 or so of my "friends" or even that someone will actually post on it. There's also the constant fear that someone on my friend's list might see something I post when I don't mean for them to or want them to.
I like being alone sometimes; probably more often than most people. This is pretty paradoxical to me because I hate thinking about life and stuff like that but being alone gives your mind time to wander and think about those things even if you try not to. At the same time, being surrounded by people is not somewhere I would want to be. I'd be way too self-conscious and have to think carefully about every single thing I said so as to keep up my standings with all of them. Even though I hate that saying about how you're different around different people, it's true. I don't think we can really help this happening though.
One of the few things that most introverts have that I don't is a good long-term memory. That's probably the best thing about introversion and I don't have it. Awesome.
3/26/11
3/22/11
The Inner Workings
My brain seems to have trouble fully registering things. I still don't really comprehend that I just spent more than a week away from my family in a completely different country. It still hasn't hit me that I'm in my final quarter of high school and that I will be going off to college soon, and I can't even fathom not seeing all my friends every day. I never really understood that my grandmother passed away almost a year ago although I went to the funeral; it's almost like my brain is making me believe that she's just on vacation or that I just haven't seen her because I never really saw her that often.
On a related note of my brain being weird; I didn't think it was possible for my memory to be worse than it already was. Somewhat recently I've been "remembering" things that never actually happened to me. They aren't even anything that I would think could be important at all. I sometimes relive these "memories" and they are the most vivid things that I remember. This makes it so I completely believe they happened only to ask my parents about it and have them tell me that those events didn't happen. It seems like most of the memories I do actually remember are hard times that I went through and are hardly ever happy things. I do remember my godfather giving me a banana wearing pajamas that sang Peanut Butter Jelly Time (at least I think that was the song), but then I also recall that he passed away like 2 days later.
I've always had trouble remembering things both short-term and long-term, which I used to think was kinda funny and pretty normal, but now I think my brain is just completely weird. Every time I recall a "memory" of something and learn that it didn't happen I feel horrible and as if my mind is just lying to me. It makes me consider that my life could be a complete lie and that all my memories are fake which I know couldn't really be true but I can’t help being paranoid about it.
I don't remember my dreams either. I was reading in a book today during a dreadfully long shift at the library that said we have about 3.5 dreams every night. It's strange that I can seldom remember even one little tiny detail about any of those dreams at all. Then the book went on to say that this might happen because these dreams are more like nightmares and our subconscious might not want us to remember them. If that’s the case then I guess I should be glad that I don’t remember my dreams.
The constant reminders of my horrible memory are also becoming almost unbearable. Every time in school I have to write about something I've done or any memory at all, I can only think of the bad things. A lot of times it takes me longer to think of something I want to write about than to actually write about it.
They always say that our past experiences make up who we are. If I can't even remember my experiences, how can I know who I am?
Sorry for a sort of depressing post but I'll put up a happy one next time
On a related note of my brain being weird; I didn't think it was possible for my memory to be worse than it already was. Somewhat recently I've been "remembering" things that never actually happened to me. They aren't even anything that I would think could be important at all. I sometimes relive these "memories" and they are the most vivid things that I remember. This makes it so I completely believe they happened only to ask my parents about it and have them tell me that those events didn't happen. It seems like most of the memories I do actually remember are hard times that I went through and are hardly ever happy things. I do remember my godfather giving me a banana wearing pajamas that sang Peanut Butter Jelly Time (at least I think that was the song), but then I also recall that he passed away like 2 days later.
I've always had trouble remembering things both short-term and long-term, which I used to think was kinda funny and pretty normal, but now I think my brain is just completely weird. Every time I recall a "memory" of something and learn that it didn't happen I feel horrible and as if my mind is just lying to me. It makes me consider that my life could be a complete lie and that all my memories are fake which I know couldn't really be true but I can’t help being paranoid about it.
I don't remember my dreams either. I was reading in a book today during a dreadfully long shift at the library that said we have about 3.5 dreams every night. It's strange that I can seldom remember even one little tiny detail about any of those dreams at all. Then the book went on to say that this might happen because these dreams are more like nightmares and our subconscious might not want us to remember them. If that’s the case then I guess I should be glad that I don’t remember my dreams.
The constant reminders of my horrible memory are also becoming almost unbearable. Every time in school I have to write about something I've done or any memory at all, I can only think of the bad things. A lot of times it takes me longer to think of something I want to write about than to actually write about it.
They always say that our past experiences make up who we are. If I can't even remember my experiences, how can I know who I am?
Sorry for a sort of depressing post but I'll put up a happy one next time
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