My brain seems to have trouble fully registering things. I still don't really comprehend that I just spent more than a week away from my family in a completely different country. It still hasn't hit me that I'm in my final quarter of high school and that I will be going off to college soon, and I can't even fathom not seeing all my friends every day. I never really understood that my grandmother passed away almost a year ago although I went to the funeral; it's almost like my brain is making me believe that she's just on vacation or that I just haven't seen her because I never really saw her that often.
On a related note of my brain being weird; I didn't think it was possible for my memory to be worse than it already was. Somewhat recently I've been "remembering" things that never actually happened to me. They aren't even anything that I would think could be important at all. I sometimes relive these "memories" and they are the most vivid things that I remember. This makes it so I completely believe they happened only to ask my parents about it and have them tell me that those events didn't happen. It seems like most of the memories I do actually remember are hard times that I went through and are hardly ever happy things. I do remember my godfather giving me a banana wearing pajamas that sang Peanut Butter Jelly Time (at least I think that was the song), but then I also recall that he passed away like 2 days later.
I've always had trouble remembering things both short-term and long-term, which I used to think was kinda funny and pretty normal, but now I think my brain is just completely weird. Every time I recall a "memory" of something and learn that it didn't happen I feel horrible and as if my mind is just lying to me. It makes me consider that my life could be a complete lie and that all my memories are fake which I know couldn't really be true but I can’t help being paranoid about it.
I don't remember my dreams either. I was reading in a book today during a dreadfully long shift at the library that said we have about 3.5 dreams every night. It's strange that I can seldom remember even one little tiny detail about any of those dreams at all. Then the book went on to say that this might happen because these dreams are more like nightmares and our subconscious might not want us to remember them. If that’s the case then I guess I should be glad that I don’t remember my dreams.
The constant reminders of my horrible memory are also becoming almost unbearable. Every time in school I have to write about something I've done or any memory at all, I can only think of the bad things. A lot of times it takes me longer to think of something I want to write about than to actually write about it.
They always say that our past experiences make up who we are. If I can't even remember my experiences, how can I know who I am?
Sorry for a sort of depressing post but I'll put up a happy one next time
You should keep a diary or something to remind you of things. I really wish I had a diary sometimes so I could remember the past better. Maybe just writing down a couple sentences about every day or something would help you remember it later.
ReplyDeleteI was actually thinking about doing that but sometimes even by the end of the day I can't remember what I did that day. And a lot of times nothing really happens during the day that's worth writing about anyways xP
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