Wow. So apparently I've already been here for over a week now. Which may not sound like a long time but it felt like it was so I'm saying it was. And no way am I writing this post to escape from the confusion of astronomical terms and mathy stuff. No way would I ever do anything like that.
Anyways, I think I'm finally starting to get used to the college life. I think I may have eaten just enough to survive in the first few days, but nothing's wrong with losing the "freshman 15" before possibly putting it back on right? At first I was having a hard time with the complete change of life. Now I have so much freedom and nobody telling me what to do which is both good and bad. I love being able to just go out and do what I want when I want with who I want, but I know once school is in full session with the crazy homeworks I won't have so much time. But I'll make the most of it while I can.
I'm really glad that I already knew a bunch of people going to UF because if I didn't I feel like I would just be cooped up in my dorm all the time being depressed and antisocial. Going to eat alone is both an awkward and sad experience although I don't really like to talk while I'm eating it's still nice to not have to sit by yourself. And still so, I feel like I might actually prefer not having known so many people because spending so much time with them detracts from any time I might spend making new friends. Although I have extremely horrible social skills, I'd like to believe that I would be able to make some friends. I've so far talked to two completely random people just because and I'm actually proud of myself for it. Any time I run into people I 'know' from high school, they'll wave and act like we were best buds just because of the familiarity aspect. In a new environment everyone runs back to the familiar and that's just what's been happening. People who never even acknowledged my existence now actually say hi to me and I kind of feel obliged to interact with them too. Just the other day I was with a group of high school people and we ran into other people from our high school too. Thing is, these were people I never really liked in the first place so as they talked to other people in the group I just stood by the edge of the conversation not saying anything because I didn't even want to have to pretend that I wanted to talk to them.
My roommate is fun and nice, but we haven't really done much together yet and we're still figuring each other out. A lot of time we spend is just separately on our computers and we haven't even really gone to eat together anywhere yet because we eat at different times. We have a class together and we sit together but we can't really talk during class.
More and more I keep feeling inadequate compared to other people and I can't stop comparing myself with other people. I keep feeling hypocritical and like I'm doing something I shouldn't even though I know I make my own decisions now. I have to stop thinking so much about things I can't really control because doing so isn't the best way to spend time. I'm learning how to adjust and realizing that I can go on without always seeing the people I used to think I couldn't live without. Don't get me wrong, I still love them, but in all my insecurities part of me felt like I'd never be able to make any other friends so I didn't want to even let go of them at all. I haven't really made too many new friends yet, but really it's only been a week and a half. I pretty much still have four long years ahead of me to make friends.
Either way, overall college has had it's ups and downs so far. I'd say I'm hoping for the best, but everyone knows I don't really do that. So here's to an unpredictable future.
8/26/11
The Situation
Well hello blog readers! I want to give you a hypothetical situation and see what you think about it. Remember; completely hypothetical. (And also hypothetically 'you' are a male)
Okay first imagine yourself sitting down in a van. It's a pretty big van that can fit up to 15 passengers in it with 3 people in each row. You sit by the window and then are joined by two girls. The girl directly to the right of you immediately sits down begins to adjust the air vent on the roof of the van so that it hits her. You then protest that she is hogging all the air, to which she replies "We were playing racquetball and I'm a cool kid and I wear jeans to the gym so I need some good cold air". You get slightly frustrated, but not in the bad kind of way just sort of playing around, and you push the vent so that it closes. The girl then glares at you, also jokingly, and then proceeds to reopen the vent so that the air goes to her.
After this, you hear the girl next to you begin to talk about how it would be a fun job to drive around students at night to which the girl farther away from you replies that it wouldn't go well because everyone would get lost. You laugh a little bit as you continue to listen and their conversation starts to get very strange. There is a sort of momentary silence, but it isn't long before the girl next to you says "It would be funny if the markings on this van faded and then they went to pick someone up who called for the van and just stopped next to the person and said 'Get in the van'". The girl farther from you laughs hysterically at this comment.
After the laughing fades away, she pulls out her phone and starts flipping through pictures that she has. The girl next to you asks the other girl if she happens to have any pictures of cheese on her phone, to which the response is that it would be a very strange thing to have a picture of cheese on your phone. The girl next to you then is punny and says that everyone should take a picture of cheese at some point, especially if it's very holey. Now as the other girl is flipping through her pictures, the girl who is next to you starts cracking up at one of them. She then says "You criticize people who would have a picture of cheese on your phone yet you have a picture of a watermelon on yours?!" which causes both girls to laugh hysterically.
Then the girl next to you turns to face you and tells you what just happened which you think is funny and you also begin to laugh. She then asks you whether you prefer cheese or watermelon to which you side with her and say that it would would be better to have a picture of cheese than have one of watermelon. A semi-serious conversational debate about watermelon vs cheese then ensues which you watch with great enjoyment because the argument is so pointless and incoherent that it's hilarious. Then the van stops and one of the girls has to get out because it's her stop, but before she leaves she says to you "Well it was nice creeping you out random stranger". Then she walks out of the van leaving you and the other girl in that row.
What kind of first impression would you get of those two girls? I actually really want to know what someone would think of people. Y'know if they did that. But remember here; completely hypothetical.
Okay fine, so I was that girl, the one sitting next to 'you'. I don't even know what came over me, but I was just acting strange tonight so I was actually being outgoing. I included a random guy in an even more random conversation, and I didn't get a strange look on his face. I do kind of wonder if he thought we were the weirdest people he's ever eavesdropped on in his life, but he didn't seem to think we were extremely crazy. I actually wish I could be like that more often; I'd like if people's first impressions of me were more like that. That way I'd never ever have to try to pretend to be normal, because it's just not fun. I mean if I can start a conversation about cheese vs watermelon and actually get someone to participate in it I think that person would be worth talking to more. It's too bad I never got that guy's name though... Oh well. I'll just call him "cheese guy".
(Also, I have no idea if anybody will get the reference made in the title and if they do they will be shocked that I would even reference something so stupid or even know enough about it to be able to reference it in the first place)
Okay first imagine yourself sitting down in a van. It's a pretty big van that can fit up to 15 passengers in it with 3 people in each row. You sit by the window and then are joined by two girls. The girl directly to the right of you immediately sits down begins to adjust the air vent on the roof of the van so that it hits her. You then protest that she is hogging all the air, to which she replies "We were playing racquetball and I'm a cool kid and I wear jeans to the gym so I need some good cold air". You get slightly frustrated, but not in the bad kind of way just sort of playing around, and you push the vent so that it closes. The girl then glares at you, also jokingly, and then proceeds to reopen the vent so that the air goes to her.
After this, you hear the girl next to you begin to talk about how it would be a fun job to drive around students at night to which the girl farther away from you replies that it wouldn't go well because everyone would get lost. You laugh a little bit as you continue to listen and their conversation starts to get very strange. There is a sort of momentary silence, but it isn't long before the girl next to you says "It would be funny if the markings on this van faded and then they went to pick someone up who called for the van and just stopped next to the person and said 'Get in the van'". The girl farther from you laughs hysterically at this comment.
After the laughing fades away, she pulls out her phone and starts flipping through pictures that she has. The girl next to you asks the other girl if she happens to have any pictures of cheese on her phone, to which the response is that it would be a very strange thing to have a picture of cheese on your phone. The girl next to you then is punny and says that everyone should take a picture of cheese at some point, especially if it's very holey. Now as the other girl is flipping through her pictures, the girl who is next to you starts cracking up at one of them. She then says "You criticize people who would have a picture of cheese on your phone yet you have a picture of a watermelon on yours?!" which causes both girls to laugh hysterically.
Then the girl next to you turns to face you and tells you what just happened which you think is funny and you also begin to laugh. She then asks you whether you prefer cheese or watermelon to which you side with her and say that it would would be better to have a picture of cheese than have one of watermelon. A semi-serious conversational debate about watermelon vs cheese then ensues which you watch with great enjoyment because the argument is so pointless and incoherent that it's hilarious. Then the van stops and one of the girls has to get out because it's her stop, but before she leaves she says to you "Well it was nice creeping you out random stranger". Then she walks out of the van leaving you and the other girl in that row.
What kind of first impression would you get of those two girls? I actually really want to know what someone would think of people. Y'know if they did that. But remember here; completely hypothetical.
Okay fine, so I was that girl, the one sitting next to 'you'. I don't even know what came over me, but I was just acting strange tonight so I was actually being outgoing. I included a random guy in an even more random conversation, and I didn't get a strange look on his face. I do kind of wonder if he thought we were the weirdest people he's ever eavesdropped on in his life, but he didn't seem to think we were extremely crazy. I actually wish I could be like that more often; I'd like if people's first impressions of me were more like that. That way I'd never ever have to try to pretend to be normal, because it's just not fun. I mean if I can start a conversation about cheese vs watermelon and actually get someone to participate in it I think that person would be worth talking to more. It's too bad I never got that guy's name though... Oh well. I'll just call him "cheese guy".
(Also, I have no idea if anybody will get the reference made in the title and if they do they will be shocked that I would even reference something so stupid or even know enough about it to be able to reference it in the first place)
8/13/11
My Puppy
I think everyone who knows me knows I love my dog (possibly too much). She's my baby and I admit I do sometimes obsess over her. Today she got scared by a thunderstorm so she decided to just follow me around the house for a while so she didn't have to be alone. After the storm was over, she was in my room and my closet door was open. I was sitting on my bed just looking at her when she decided she wanted to go into my closet.
So she went in my closet (which has sliding doors) and went to the end that wasn't opened and just stood there facing the wall for a few seconds. I got up off my bed and opened the side of the closet she was on and she poked her head out at me before she turned around and went back to the other side of the closet which was now closed because I'd opened the other side for her. I then went to the side where she was and again slid the doors open for her to be able to get out. I think she thought this was some kind of game because she did it over and over again. After she was done with her cute 'game' she licked me a lot as if she was thanking me for playing with her. She was so adorable. I'm going to miss hugging her to death every day.
So she went in my closet (which has sliding doors) and went to the end that wasn't opened and just stood there facing the wall for a few seconds. I got up off my bed and opened the side of the closet she was on and she poked her head out at me before she turned around and went back to the other side of the closet which was now closed because I'd opened the other side for her. I then went to the side where she was and again slid the doors open for her to be able to get out. I think she thought this was some kind of game because she did it over and over again. After she was done with her cute 'game' she licked me a lot as if she was thanking me for playing with her. She was so adorable. I'm going to miss hugging her to death every day.
8/7/11
20Q! (+10)
I'm bored and need a post. Stolen from Juliana.
1. Name one thing that has always fascinated you. I constantly think about life and death.
2. What was a time when your life did not meet your or others’ expectations? I sort of always feel like a failure XD
3. Can you judge a book by its cover? Everyone says you shouldn't but humans can't help but factor it in
4. What is your lucky number, and why is it so lucky? I like 298 (don't ask) and 16 because it was my jersey number for soccer
5. Is there anything you, ‘just know’ and have no explainable or rational way to explain how you know it? About what exactly? I 'just know' quite a lot of things based on observations or guesses.
6. Name one thing in your life you hope you never have to see or encounter again. A giant frog being on my bathroom mirror. I literally couldn't sleep for several nights after that experience
7. What was the most personal question someone ever asked you? Did you answer it? People don't ask me personal questions because they know I won't answer them
8. What was your first sexual experience? -
9. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? Not too long ago I'd say I'd want to completely change myself into a different person. But now I'm between having more patience or being more outgoing.
10. Have you ever wanted to trade places with someone else for a day, week, or a lifetime? If so, who was it and why? I think everyone's wanted to. I'd kinda wanna be Tina Fey. I dunno if that counts as trading places.
11. What would someone see if they went in your closet right now? Not much. I'm cleaning it out for college
12. Have you ever had a crush on someone you shouldn’t? I don't really know what you mean by "shouldn't".
13. Name something you’ve always wanted that you will never ever have. Confidence
14. Who was your first boyfriend? Michael
15. If you could choose to believe in Science or religion, which would you choose and why? This is a tough one. Both lead to unanswered questions, but I tend to like fact which means science.
16. What was your last food craving? I keep wanting pizza.
17. What is your favorite place to get breakfast? I don't get breakfast
18. When did you last speak to your best friend? What did you talk about? I'm always talking to Juliana and I talked to Emily about ninja info cards.
19. “Being bad feels pretty good.” What do you think about this? People get thrills for doing things they're told not to do. It's stupid, but it's human.
20. What is the first thing you usually think of when you get up in the morning? Either "I really don't want to get up" or "I need to make this headache go away"
21. What is something you can do now that you could not do four years ago? I don't even know
22. Would you have sex with someone you don’t love? My answer to questions like this is always that these things are completely circumstantial so I'll go with that.
23. Of all the people you know, who do you feel most comfortable talking to or can talk to about anything? Michael probably because I've known him for a long time
24. Assuming you’ve lost your virginity, at what age did you lose it? You assume incorrectly
25. How good are you at keeping secrets? I keep both my own secrets and those other people trust me with.
26. Do you have a personal secret even your closest friends don’t know? I probably do but I can't really think of anything and I don't even know if I'd remember it myself
27. Do you believe in reincarnation? I think it's an interesting concept but I don't think I believe in it
28. Has anyone (besides yourself) ever read your diary, either with or without your permission? No.
29. Have you ever had a crush on an authority figure (i.e. boss, teacher, etc.). Nope
30. Have you ever felt as if you were a failure or somehow ‘failed’ someone you care about? Refer to #2
1. Name one thing that has always fascinated you. I constantly think about life and death.
2. What was a time when your life did not meet your or others’ expectations? I sort of always feel like a failure XD
3. Can you judge a book by its cover? Everyone says you shouldn't but humans can't help but factor it in
4. What is your lucky number, and why is it so lucky? I like 298 (don't ask) and 16 because it was my jersey number for soccer
5. Is there anything you, ‘just know’ and have no explainable or rational way to explain how you know it? About what exactly? I 'just know' quite a lot of things based on observations or guesses.
6. Name one thing in your life you hope you never have to see or encounter again. A giant frog being on my bathroom mirror. I literally couldn't sleep for several nights after that experience
7. What was the most personal question someone ever asked you? Did you answer it? People don't ask me personal questions because they know I won't answer them
8. What was your first sexual experience? -
9. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? Not too long ago I'd say I'd want to completely change myself into a different person. But now I'm between having more patience or being more outgoing.
10. Have you ever wanted to trade places with someone else for a day, week, or a lifetime? If so, who was it and why? I think everyone's wanted to. I'd kinda wanna be Tina Fey. I dunno if that counts as trading places.
11. What would someone see if they went in your closet right now? Not much. I'm cleaning it out for college
12. Have you ever had a crush on someone you shouldn’t? I don't really know what you mean by "shouldn't".
13. Name something you’ve always wanted that you will never ever have. Confidence
14. Who was your first boyfriend? Michael
15. If you could choose to believe in Science or religion, which would you choose and why? This is a tough one. Both lead to unanswered questions, but I tend to like fact which means science.
16. What was your last food craving? I keep wanting pizza.
17. What is your favorite place to get breakfast? I don't get breakfast
18. When did you last speak to your best friend? What did you talk about? I'm always talking to Juliana and I talked to Emily about ninja info cards.
19. “Being bad feels pretty good.” What do you think about this? People get thrills for doing things they're told not to do. It's stupid, but it's human.
20. What is the first thing you usually think of when you get up in the morning? Either "I really don't want to get up" or "I need to make this headache go away"
21. What is something you can do now that you could not do four years ago? I don't even know
22. Would you have sex with someone you don’t love? My answer to questions like this is always that these things are completely circumstantial so I'll go with that.
23. Of all the people you know, who do you feel most comfortable talking to or can talk to about anything? Michael probably because I've known him for a long time
24. Assuming you’ve lost your virginity, at what age did you lose it? You assume incorrectly
25. How good are you at keeping secrets? I keep both my own secrets and those other people trust me with.
26. Do you have a personal secret even your closest friends don’t know? I probably do but I can't really think of anything and I don't even know if I'd remember it myself
27. Do you believe in reincarnation? I think it's an interesting concept but I don't think I believe in it
28. Has anyone (besides yourself) ever read your diary, either with or without your permission? No.
29. Have you ever had a crush on an authority figure (i.e. boss, teacher, etc.). Nope
30. Have you ever felt as if you were a failure or somehow ‘failed’ someone you care about? Refer to #2
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