Wow. So apparently I've already been here for over a week now. Which may not sound like a long time but it felt like it was so I'm saying it was. And no way am I writing this post to escape from the confusion of astronomical terms and mathy stuff. No way would I ever do anything like that.
Anyways, I think I'm finally starting to get used to the college life. I think I may have eaten just enough to survive in the first few days, but nothing's wrong with losing the "freshman 15" before possibly putting it back on right? At first I was having a hard time with the complete change of life. Now I have so much freedom and nobody telling me what to do which is both good and bad. I love being able to just go out and do what I want when I want with who I want, but I know once school is in full session with the crazy homeworks I won't have so much time. But I'll make the most of it while I can.
I'm really glad that I already knew a bunch of people going to UF because if I didn't I feel like I would just be cooped up in my dorm all the time being depressed and antisocial. Going to eat alone is both an awkward and sad experience although I don't really like to talk while I'm eating it's still nice to not have to sit by yourself. And still so, I feel like I might actually prefer not having known so many people because spending so much time with them detracts from any time I might spend making new friends. Although I have extremely horrible social skills, I'd like to believe that I would be able to make some friends. I've so far talked to two completely random people just because and I'm actually proud of myself for it. Any time I run into people I 'know' from high school, they'll wave and act like we were best buds just because of the familiarity aspect. In a new environment everyone runs back to the familiar and that's just what's been happening. People who never even acknowledged my existence now actually say hi to me and I kind of feel obliged to interact with them too. Just the other day I was with a group of high school people and we ran into other people from our high school too. Thing is, these were people I never really liked in the first place so as they talked to other people in the group I just stood by the edge of the conversation not saying anything because I didn't even want to have to pretend that I wanted to talk to them.
My roommate is fun and nice, but we haven't really done much together yet and we're still figuring each other out. A lot of time we spend is just separately on our computers and we haven't even really gone to eat together anywhere yet because we eat at different times. We have a class together and we sit together but we can't really talk during class.
More and more I keep feeling inadequate compared to other people and I can't stop comparing myself with other people. I keep feeling hypocritical and like I'm doing something I shouldn't even though I know I make my own decisions now. I have to stop thinking so much about things I can't really control because doing so isn't the best way to spend time. I'm learning how to adjust and realizing that I can go on without always seeing the people I used to think I couldn't live without. Don't get me wrong, I still love them, but in all my insecurities part of me felt like I'd never be able to make any other friends so I didn't want to even let go of them at all. I haven't really made too many new friends yet, but really it's only been a week and a half. I pretty much still have four long years ahead of me to make friends.
Either way, overall college has had it's ups and downs so far. I'd say I'm hoping for the best, but everyone knows I don't really do that. So here's to an unpredictable future.
No comments:
Post a Comment