I was on stumbleupon the other day and found a Wikipedia page titled "Depressive Realism". The idea of it is that people who are thought of to be depressed are actually that way because they see the world as it actually is. Since they don't see things are being better than they actually are because they are pessimistic, it's possible they see the world without any other constructs blocking it.
I don't know if there really is an "actual world" exactly, I just think that the world is the way we see it. We can't see it any other way than we do, so that is the world to us. If there is just one "actual world", then it does make sense that people who are depressed would see it more accurately than people who aren't. Without the positive emotions to make the world look better than it could actually be, it could make you see the world as something closer to what it actually is. But at the same time with people who are severely depressed they would see everything with a negative light to it which would also be away from reality.
Either way, I think the world only exists as we see it and that there isn't a "correct" view of it. How we see it is what the world is to us and even though our view of it may change that doesn't necessarily mean the actual world changes. To us it does, but that's just a shift of perspective. I don't know if anything I just said makes any sense but I tried.
6/22/11
6/16/11
Come Clean
One person's lie can become another's truth. I've been thinking about this and realizing how bad this is. With one lie, you completely change what someone else believes to be true. They can construct a completely wrong reality which they think is right just because of what you tell them. Sometimes this is for the better, but usually it's bad to weave a web of lies so intricate. Lies don't even have to be intricate to be able to hurt someone.
There's always the debate of whether it's ever okay to lie. Clearly there are differing opinions on this, but mine is that it's okay to lie as long as there's a very good reason for it. Deceiving someone isn't good, but if it's to protect them then an exception can be made.
I really hate to admit this, but I do lie. Often. I don't lie about anything big (usually), but I sometimes construct things just because I feel like it. It may sound strange, but I want to be caught in one of my lies because if I just keep getting away with it I'll just keep doing it. I need the consequence for the action to stop. It used to be difficult for me to think of a lie, but now anytime I need one it comes to my head so quickly that I barely even have to think. I can pretty much construct an excuse for anything that comes my way and make it have just the right amount of detail to it so I can get away with it. The only thing that doesn't make me really scared about how easy it is for me to lie is that I find it hard to lie to people I care about much more difficult. Sometimes I even see how far I can go with lying until I get caught like it's a game. It's probably a problem that I do this. I'm trying to stop feeling like I always have to make excuses for everything, but it's a hard habit to stop. Lying can be so much easier than telling the truth.
A lot of times I want so badly to tell whomever I lied to that what I told them was wrong. But I know that will make things worse in every case. Being told you were lied to is not something people like to hear. I know I always expect people to tell me the truth, but I guess that makes me a hypocrite.
[Post title is the name of the song by Hilary Duff]
There's always the debate of whether it's ever okay to lie. Clearly there are differing opinions on this, but mine is that it's okay to lie as long as there's a very good reason for it. Deceiving someone isn't good, but if it's to protect them then an exception can be made.
I really hate to admit this, but I do lie. Often. I don't lie about anything big (usually), but I sometimes construct things just because I feel like it. It may sound strange, but I want to be caught in one of my lies because if I just keep getting away with it I'll just keep doing it. I need the consequence for the action to stop. It used to be difficult for me to think of a lie, but now anytime I need one it comes to my head so quickly that I barely even have to think. I can pretty much construct an excuse for anything that comes my way and make it have just the right amount of detail to it so I can get away with it. The only thing that doesn't make me really scared about how easy it is for me to lie is that I find it hard to lie to people I care about much more difficult. Sometimes I even see how far I can go with lying until I get caught like it's a game. It's probably a problem that I do this. I'm trying to stop feeling like I always have to make excuses for everything, but it's a hard habit to stop. Lying can be so much easier than telling the truth.
A lot of times I want so badly to tell whomever I lied to that what I told them was wrong. But I know that will make things worse in every case. Being told you were lied to is not something people like to hear. I know I always expect people to tell me the truth, but I guess that makes me a hypocrite.
[Post title is the name of the song by Hilary Duff]
6/10/11
Bliss
I'm resolving to myself to be a happier person. Being sad is only a drain on the people I love, and I don't want to do that to them. I no longer want to be the one who has to rely on my friends to make me laugh, I want to be the one they count on to put them in a better mood. Telling myself to try harder to be happy does mean I need to stop thinking so much about everything, which may be hard to do. But I know I have things in my life that other people don't and things that I definitely take for granted, and I'm not listing them here because it would take way too long for me to write them.
It's not in my nature to see the good in things, but I'm saying now that I'm going to try hard to change that. It's never fun for me or anyone around me when I'm being super pessimistic. So, my dear blog, I tell you now that I resolve to be happy. Wish me luck.
It's not in my nature to see the good in things, but I'm saying now that I'm going to try hard to change that. It's never fun for me or anyone around me when I'm being super pessimistic. So, my dear blog, I tell you now that I resolve to be happy. Wish me luck.
6/8/11
Satellite Mind
Warning: The immediate forecast contains a lot of rambling. Be cautious and traverse the post carefully.
I've been looking at quotes a lot lately because whenever I have no idea how to express how I feel, I look to smart people to put words in a way that I could never think of. A lot of the quotes I found were about life and such which are the ones I like, but the ideas behind most of them got me thinking. I never really thought about how being happy can be so hard to do and that my pessimism is probably just be a product of me not wanting to have to deal with anything ever. So through quote searching, I've discovered that I suck. All it takes is some attempt to see the good things to be happy. And I can't even do that simple thing.
I always tell myself I'll be a happier person, that I'll try not to look at every single thing in a negative light, but every time I fail. Although sometimes I can be in a good mood, it's not often that happens, and when it does it usually goes away pretty quickly. Since it's summer my mind has been on a rampage like putting Godzilla in Tokyo in 1955. Not seeing my friends all the time and having no definite plans with them makes me anxious about whether I'll ever see them again, and being forced to think about college and making new friends makes me anxious about whether I'll even like the people I have to live with and be around.
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Truthfully, and I've recently discovered this, I'm not as scared about not seeing my friends again as I am about possibly forgetting those moments I've had with them that I never want to lose. Even though I want to remember every moment I've spent with them even just a few memories would be a miracle for me to remember . My memory is so bad that I've completely forgotten the person who wrote the most in my yearbook from 6th grade. Even looking at the picture of her I still can't remember anything about her; the name means nothing to me either. If this happens with people I know now, I don't think I could handle it. Shared memories are the biggest part of any friendship, and not being able to reminisce about "that one time" takes that away. Even if a friendship fizzles out, those memories are part of who you are, the friends and people you meet through your life shape it. Not remembering the type of people you used to hang out with and used to talk to all the time means you lose part of yourself; because you know that you must have found something you liked in the people you came to know.
Over time I've had friends leave me for other people, and I always wonder if they even thought about how I would feel about it. I'm sure they did, or at least I hope they did, but really, leaving without even saying a word about it? I guess in the most obvious case (people who know me know who I'm talking about and I know I bitch about this too much but whatever), it was a gradual thing, but continually believing the person who left who kept giving promises of "I'll hang out with you tomorrow at lunch" was a huge mistake. I've never left my friends, and I don't think I ever would because I take anyone who will willingly hang out with me as a miracle; but I think if I did I would be sad about it. I would still try to keep contact with the people who I left, because while I may not spend as much time with them as I used to, that wouldn't mean that I'd never want to talk to them again. But, again, it's not like I have hordes of people wanting to be my friend. It honestly doesn't bother me that I don't have many friends; it makes looking for the ones who are worth getting to know easier to find.
I've been looking at quotes a lot lately because whenever I have no idea how to express how I feel, I look to smart people to put words in a way that I could never think of. A lot of the quotes I found were about life and such which are the ones I like, but the ideas behind most of them got me thinking. I never really thought about how being happy can be so hard to do and that my pessimism is probably just be a product of me not wanting to have to deal with anything ever. So through quote searching, I've discovered that I suck. All it takes is some attempt to see the good things to be happy. And I can't even do that simple thing.
I always tell myself I'll be a happier person, that I'll try not to look at every single thing in a negative light, but every time I fail. Although sometimes I can be in a good mood, it's not often that happens, and when it does it usually goes away pretty quickly. Since it's summer my mind has been on a rampage like putting Godzilla in Tokyo in 1955. Not seeing my friends all the time and having no definite plans with them makes me anxious about whether I'll ever see them again, and being forced to think about college and making new friends makes me anxious about whether I'll even like the people I have to live with and be around.
-----
Truthfully, and I've recently discovered this, I'm not as scared about not seeing my friends again as I am about possibly forgetting those moments I've had with them that I never want to lose. Even though I want to remember every moment I've spent with them even just a few memories would be a miracle for me to remember . My memory is so bad that I've completely forgotten the person who wrote the most in my yearbook from 6th grade. Even looking at the picture of her I still can't remember anything about her; the name means nothing to me either. If this happens with people I know now, I don't think I could handle it. Shared memories are the biggest part of any friendship, and not being able to reminisce about "that one time" takes that away. Even if a friendship fizzles out, those memories are part of who you are, the friends and people you meet through your life shape it. Not remembering the type of people you used to hang out with and used to talk to all the time means you lose part of yourself; because you know that you must have found something you liked in the people you came to know.
Over time I've had friends leave me for other people, and I always wonder if they even thought about how I would feel about it. I'm sure they did, or at least I hope they did, but really, leaving without even saying a word about it? I guess in the most obvious case (people who know me know who I'm talking about and I know I bitch about this too much but whatever), it was a gradual thing, but continually believing the person who left who kept giving promises of "I'll hang out with you tomorrow at lunch" was a huge mistake. I've never left my friends, and I don't think I ever would because I take anyone who will willingly hang out with me as a miracle; but I think if I did I would be sad about it. I would still try to keep contact with the people who I left, because while I may not spend as much time with them as I used to, that wouldn't mean that I'd never want to talk to them again. But, again, it's not like I have hordes of people wanting to be my friend. It honestly doesn't bother me that I don't have many friends; it makes looking for the ones who are worth getting to know easier to find.
El fin
6/1/11
Guilt
Guilt is a powerful thing. Even Dr. House the crazy guy who doesn't care about anyone can feel it. He almost helped a guy pay off his mortgage because he felt guilty for making someone he went to school with fail out. But technically he didn't and the guy was lying because he wanted to get House to give him money.
Even on Better Off Ted, the character of Veronica who also is a boss and doesn't care about anyone else can get hit by guilt. She thought that she had gotten her job as CEO because of a fluke and when she found out that the guy who didn't get the job was now working at the bottom of the job chain, she feels guilty. She takes him out to dinner and lets him... do stuff to her.
People know how to exploit others and guilt is one of the easiest ways to do it. When someone feels guilty, they will do pretty much anything to get rid of that feeling. Nobody likes feeling guilty. When our conscience feels guilty, we fully believe that something is our fault even if it may not be at all. And when we ask for forgiveness for something, it so happens thatsome most humans are greedy and selfish enough to try and exploit you in your time of mental unrest. In House's case, he tries to give money to stop feeling guilty. He doesn't want to talk with the guy or do anything personal, he just wants to get the guilty feeling to go away.
When people feel guilty they'll do just about anything to get rid of it. They want forgiveness and then they do everything they can to get it. It's a form of psychological manipulation. "Guilt tripping: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position." (Wikipedia). Certain people are able to do this to people in order to fulfill their agenda and it is pretty affective. Anyways, guilt is something no one wants and yet a lot of times it is self-created anyways. We can feel guilty over something we couldn't even control in the first place.
“Guilt is the source of sorrow, 'tis the fiend, Th' avenging fiend, that follows us behind, With whips and stings” -Nicholas Rowe
Even on Better Off Ted, the character of Veronica who also is a boss and doesn't care about anyone else can get hit by guilt. She thought that she had gotten her job as CEO because of a fluke and when she found out that the guy who didn't get the job was now working at the bottom of the job chain, she feels guilty. She takes him out to dinner and lets him... do stuff to her.
People know how to exploit others and guilt is one of the easiest ways to do it. When someone feels guilty, they will do pretty much anything to get rid of that feeling. Nobody likes feeling guilty. When our conscience feels guilty, we fully believe that something is our fault even if it may not be at all. And when we ask for forgiveness for something, it so happens that
When people feel guilty they'll do just about anything to get rid of it. They want forgiveness and then they do everything they can to get it. It's a form of psychological manipulation. "Guilt tripping: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position." (Wikipedia). Certain people are able to do this to people in order to fulfill their agenda and it is pretty affective. Anyways, guilt is something no one wants and yet a lot of times it is self-created anyways. We can feel guilty over something we couldn't even control in the first place.
“Guilt is the source of sorrow, 'tis the fiend, Th' avenging fiend, that follows us behind, With whips and stings” -Nicholas Rowe
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