I'm not sure where this is coming from, but it's just more random stuff that's been on my mind.
Why do people who find out they're dying always say their life has changed so much? Everyone is dying and everyone will. So when people get diagnosed with a terminal disease, is it really that much different? They always say they appreciate life more now that they've been diagnosed and try to live every day to its fullest. But shouldn't we already do that? Someone that hasn't been diagnosed with anything could easily die some other way, just not by disease. Maybe even knowing that you might die sooner than you expected you'll get more out of your life instead of wasting it away like people do. I don't have any experience with people I know getting a disease that could just take someone away from me at any given moment, but I just can't understand this. At least if you know someone has a disease, you are more prepared for when they pass away; if they end up in some freak accident it must be worse.
I wonder if some day death itself will become some sort of disease. If medicine advances so much that you could be diagnosed with death. Kinda weird to think about. I doubt that will ever happen, but it's possible. Personally I wouldn't want to live to be extremely old. An existence that's just "wake up, eat food, sit around all day, go back to sleep" is a life without purpose. And at that point you can't accomplish much and I would spend most of my time reflecting on my past experiences. Wishing I could go back to when I was young and free to do whatever I wanted to. Sitting in a nursing home would not be the place for me. I know I'd think about all the time I spent sitting around at home wishing I was doing something interesting and be upset that I never really did much with my life. That's just pointless pondering and would make for cranky old lady syndrome.
This is a pretty scattered post so I hope it's somewhat understandable. My thoughts seem kinda everywhere as I re-read this.
I think once you know someone is going to die, it's like you have so much time to anticipate it that the anticipation is really the worst part. When someone dies suddenly, the death itself is the worst part. I imagine it would be really hard to know when you would die, because you have time to think that soon you will basically disappear instead of grow old and have your life just end naturally. You can't expect an accident, so you can't anticipate it.
ReplyDeleteI think once you're old, your mindset kinda changes. You don't really mind just kinda chillin with a crossword puzzle. I think that's the point in life that's like the end of a long school week where you'd be happy to go home, sleep, and watch TV.
My grandma has Alzheimers and she's basically been dying since she was diagnosed over 15 years ago. She lost her memory, then her ability to communicate, and now she can't walk and sleeps for about 20 hours a day. It's sad because at this point, everyone wants her to die because that would really be better than living the way she is now. I haven't had a conversation with her in probably 5 years. She didn't get to die with dignity, but I guess everyone is definitely more prepared for when it happens. If she died, I would think it would be the best thing for her, but if my other grandma who is still very active died suddenly, I would be devastated because when someone dies slowly, you have time to get used to the idea, as sad as it is. I don't know what my point is. And you never want someone to get a disease because then you know death is coming, and they don't get to die happy because their death is unnatural but also determined.
Cranky old lady syndrome XD I can imagine you having that.
That's really sad about your grandma. A while ago my grandpa had an accident and lost his memories and communication skills. Then he moved to another state far away and I haven't talked to him since. My grandma that died at the end of last school year was pretty active, I mean she was old, but it was still unexpected. She went to bingo all the time and she went to all the family gatherings we had. I don't think death can ever really be expected.
ReplyDeleteEveryone's death is coming and is determined. I believe everything has a purpose and even though at first we don't understand why something happens it happened for a reason.
Oh and I'm glad you can imagine me having cranky old lady syndrome xD
ReplyDeleteI think that elderly people really do want to have a very simple existence. Most of them have worked very hard their whole lives and deserve a break. If you waste your time, I don't know what to tell you.
ReplyDeleteOne of my grandmas was very lucky. She remarried when I was 2 and spent the next dozen years traveling with my wonderful step-grandpa. He passed away and she is now in a nursing home with dementia, but they really did take time to enjoy life's simple pleasures. On the flip side of the coin, her ex-husband, my grandpa, never really did anything with his life prior to his placement in a nursing home due to severe dementia. It's tragic to see how he missed his chance to be a part of my mom's life and my life.
My paternal grandparents were always homebodies, but they still had a great life together because they truly enjoeyed it.. They were the ones who took care of me while my parents were at work when I was little. They also took care of me after school until my parents divorced. Ever since my grandpa passed away, my grandma has been extremely lonely, but that's partly my fault. (long story)
What I should've been rambling about is my mom's struggle with cancer. Ever since she was diagnosed, I have always been afraid of what'll happen to me when she dies. Even though she has plans set out for that, I'm still scared. Given the fact that ovarian cancer has a VERY low 5 -year survival rate, I know that our time together is quite limited. The anticipation of death really is that bad. I'm a nervous wreck whenever she goes in for surgery. I don't know how I do it sometimes.
If she was perfectly healthy and died suddenly, I agree that it would be much more difficult for me to accept it. I can't think of that now, though.
Sorry for the extremely long comment above. To continue about Mom, I sometimes feel really bad for being extremely dedicated to all things school-related because that's time that I'm not spending with her. As to the whole concept of live like you were dying, she seems to have few regrets. I already have regrets and I'm only 18. :-((((
ReplyDeleteWhen I ask her why she doesn't just go out and have fun when she has free time, she tells me that she likes staying at home all of the time. I know that's not true because she feels worse than she would like to admit. Another theory as to why she's always at home is that she likes to accompany me because I'm always home. Even though it's quite monotonous, at least we're together. I guess we are somehow preparing for the worst in our own ways.