It bothers me probably more than it should when somebody just is incapable of understanding something I try to tell them. I really love and even enjoy trying to help people and make them realize things about themselves, but it gets really frustrating when I'm trying to help and they just don't get it. No matter how many ways I say something they just don't understand. Maybe this goes with the whole "you can't help someone unless they're willing to help themselves" which I know is true, but it's so annoying sometimes. I can think of so many ways to variate how I try to get across the same idea that it's crazy, but it just seems like when you've tried so many times like it's impossible.
The thing is, I don't want to give up on someone like this. I want to try as hard as I can to help them understand what I am trying to tell them. And even if they say they understand, it's still possible that they don't. But also if they do get it, they still might not act on it. I get that they may not want to, but I only tell people things when they need to hear it and I wish they knew that. But what happens when it just seems impossible?
One of the reasons I would love to be a therapist is because I like helping people. I like telling them my opinion on their options or just helping them understand themselves better than they did before. To me, to most important person to know in life is yourself. Some people don't take the time to think about how they may appear to other people (not in the physical aspect), or why it is certain things happen and it could just be because of who they are. There are also the type of people who automatically think something happened because of them and this type is just as bad. There are those who automatically blame themselves and those who blame others. For any kind of person, it may be hard to tell them something you think they should know, and sometimes when you get the courage to do it they hear you but don't really know what you said.
No matter how much you might want to help someone, a lot of times it really is impossible for you to directly impact the situation even if you may desire to do so. As a friend when you offer to be there for someone you have to know that your job isn't to solve your friend's problems; it's just to guide them in the right direction so they can figure it out themselves. From time to time you have to admit you can't help or even offer any advice but in those situations what you can do is show your friend that you're there for them and that in itself can help more than you may understand.
(P.s. I'll come up with a title for this later)
12/22/11
10/10/11
Gender Roles
So lately in my sociology class all we've been doing is talking about gender roles in society. It's pretty obvious that my teacher is a feminist because practically every class period she brings up how women are still paid less than men for the same job. Anyways, we watched the following part of a documentary in class (start at around 1:18)
Commence discussion! Is it just me or are they going WAY overboard in analyzing Disney movies? It seems to me like regardless of how Disney portrays their characters, gender roles are still going to be instilled in children. Any movie where men or women aren't acting like they "should" be, it's usually in the genre of comedy. Simply living in society makes us learn gender roles so although these movies might reinforce them it's not like they are the reason that children learn how they are supposed to act. I think what Disney teaches is probably actually a good thing. Don't get me wrong, I hate gender stereotypes and think they're stupid, but if you don't act within those confines you're practically rejected from society. It's not like we can really do anything about gender roles; even though they've slightly changed over time we can't completely transform them. Women will always be the typical one who would be the stay-at-home parent and men will always be the typical one to be sitting on the couch watching football.
In my opinion we need gender roles to an extent. And it's not like we can't break out of these roles because we can, it's just not generally accepted by society. I feel that gender roles help guide our behaviors, I think we'd be lost without at least some inkling of how we should act in society. People like feminists really overemphasize women being 'mistreated', men have certain images they have to maintain too. In some ways it's harder to be a man than a woman, and vice versa.
Although it's true that often young girls act like and look up to princesses who are portrayed in Disney movies, oftentimes they are praised for this behavior. This made me think of Halloween which happens to be just around the corner which then led me to costume choices for children. You won't really see a girl dressed as Batman or a superhero and you won't see a guy dressed up as a princess. That's just not how it works. When a kid follows the gender role they are 'supposed' to, they're rewarded for it. It's never going to change so people need to just deal with it.
And I'm sorry Tina but that hair style would totally be a dealbreaker (to use your own term against your past self)
Commence discussion! Is it just me or are they going WAY overboard in analyzing Disney movies? It seems to me like regardless of how Disney portrays their characters, gender roles are still going to be instilled in children. Any movie where men or women aren't acting like they "should" be, it's usually in the genre of comedy. Simply living in society makes us learn gender roles so although these movies might reinforce them it's not like they are the reason that children learn how they are supposed to act. I think what Disney teaches is probably actually a good thing. Don't get me wrong, I hate gender stereotypes and think they're stupid, but if you don't act within those confines you're practically rejected from society. It's not like we can really do anything about gender roles; even though they've slightly changed over time we can't completely transform them. Women will always be the typical one who would be the stay-at-home parent and men will always be the typical one to be sitting on the couch watching football.
 | ||
| A young Tina Fey |
Although it's true that often young girls act like and look up to princesses who are portrayed in Disney movies, oftentimes they are praised for this behavior. This made me think of Halloween which happens to be just around the corner which then led me to costume choices for children. You won't really see a girl dressed as Batman or a superhero and you won't see a guy dressed up as a princess. That's just not how it works. When a kid follows the gender role they are 'supposed' to, they're rewarded for it. It's never going to change so people need to just deal with it.
And I'm sorry Tina but that hair style would totally be a dealbreaker (to use your own term against your past self)
10/4/11
Why I Like Cold Weather
This is a pretty random post, but I need a post so here one is. Recently at my college we've been having some nice cold weather and there are many reasons why I love it. I will now proceed to state them. And yes I am that bored/out of blog topics.
Reason 1: I get to wear my jackets
I love hoodies. Or just jackets in general. There's nothing more comfortable to me than jeans and a hoodie (except maybe just jeans and a T-shirt). The thing I do love about jackets is that I can just throw on any shirt whatsoever under it and it doesn't matter because the world will never see it!
Reason 2: I can lay in the grass in random places and study/sleep without looking really weird/passing out in the heat
I usually end up doing the latter (sleeping) because cold weather makes me sleepy. It's even nicer when you have a blanket (or snuggie, but those are not to be worn in public) but you can still feel the breeze on your face. And if you were just randomly laying somewhere and nobody else was doing it it would feel awkward so it's nice when it's cold because a lot of people randomly pick a place and sit around doing nothing.
Reason 3: It makes me actually want to do exercise (even though I'm usually still too lazy to actually do anything)
Way back when I used to play soccer (I really want to play again just for fun) I noticed that I always end up doing way better athletically when it was cold outside. I wasn't so quick to get winded and I was way more willing to actually be outside because it was not longer sweltering (that word is so weird I don't even know). So even though I think about how I should go do things outside because of the nicer weather I don't just because I'm a bum. At least it makes me think about how I should be doing something right?
Reason 4: It's not hot weather
'Nuf said
Reason 1: I get to wear my jackets
I love hoodies. Or just jackets in general. There's nothing more comfortable to me than jeans and a hoodie (except maybe just jeans and a T-shirt). The thing I do love about jackets is that I can just throw on any shirt whatsoever under it and it doesn't matter because the world will never see it!
Reason 2: I can lay in the grass in random places and study/sleep without looking really weird/passing out in the heat
I usually end up doing the latter (sleeping) because cold weather makes me sleepy. It's even nicer when you have a blanket (or snuggie, but those are not to be worn in public) but you can still feel the breeze on your face. And if you were just randomly laying somewhere and nobody else was doing it it would feel awkward so it's nice when it's cold because a lot of people randomly pick a place and sit around doing nothing.
Reason 3: It makes me actually want to do exercise (even though I'm usually still too lazy to actually do anything)
Way back when I used to play soccer (I really want to play again just for fun) I noticed that I always end up doing way better athletically when it was cold outside. I wasn't so quick to get winded and I was way more willing to actually be outside because it was not longer sweltering (that word is so weird I don't even know). So even though I think about how I should go do things outside because of the nicer weather I don't just because I'm a bum. At least it makes me think about how I should be doing something right?
Reason 4: It's not hot weather
'Nuf said
9/21/11
What's Inside
I've been thinking a lot lately. About nothing yet everything. Something I saw on Tumblr made me inspired to write this so here it is.
I find myself more and more wanting to talk to people, to make friends and seem like I'm interesting, yet even when I'm with my friends I don't really want to talk. I put in my earbuds and just listen to music. For some reason music has in essence become my best friend. I keep getting in these moods where all I want to do is just sit around and listen to music. On my way to class I listen to music and when I get there, for the ten or so minutes before class actually starts, I continue listening although inside I sort of want the people sitting around me to talk to me. At the same time, I worry that if they do start talking to me I'll just say something stupid and make them not want to talk to me ever again. Which I think may have happened in sociology the other day. I've been trying so hard to make friends that I may just be trying too hard. You know it's bad when you're carrying the entire conversation and the person you're talking to has nothing to say back. Then it just gets to the point where you're beyond relieved when the teacher tells everyone to stop talking because you need someone to tell you to shut up.
Recently I've been living more in my own head than in reality. I can't focus on anything because my mind is always so scattered. Jumping from thought to thought, from one possibility to the next. Right now I'm supposed to be studying for an astronomy test that I have tomorrow, but what am I doing? Listening to music of course. I can't remember what I read a while ago, but I somewhat-recently realized that my personality is me because I'm weak. I can't force myself to see the good in things, I just let everything bother me and can't even muster enough energy to get those thoughts out of my mind.
Scattery mind come back! So yeah back to how I practically ignore my friends when I'm with them. Wow I put that badly. For some reason I usually feel better just being around people I know and being in that environment without feeling the need to interact with that environment. The familiarity makes me feel comfortable and I'll just listen to my music and watch everyone else interact. I don't know if that's a weird thing, but that's just what I do for whatever reason.
εи∂
I find myself more and more wanting to talk to people, to make friends and seem like I'm interesting, yet even when I'm with my friends I don't really want to talk. I put in my earbuds and just listen to music. For some reason music has in essence become my best friend. I keep getting in these moods where all I want to do is just sit around and listen to music. On my way to class I listen to music and when I get there, for the ten or so minutes before class actually starts, I continue listening although inside I sort of want the people sitting around me to talk to me. At the same time, I worry that if they do start talking to me I'll just say something stupid and make them not want to talk to me ever again. Which I think may have happened in sociology the other day. I've been trying so hard to make friends that I may just be trying too hard. You know it's bad when you're carrying the entire conversation and the person you're talking to has nothing to say back. Then it just gets to the point where you're beyond relieved when the teacher tells everyone to stop talking because you need someone to tell you to shut up.
Recently I've been living more in my own head than in reality. I can't focus on anything because my mind is always so scattered. Jumping from thought to thought, from one possibility to the next. Right now I'm supposed to be studying for an astronomy test that I have tomorrow, but what am I doing? Listening to music of course. I can't remember what I read a while ago, but I somewhat-recently realized that my personality is me because I'm weak. I can't force myself to see the good in things, I just let everything bother me and can't even muster enough energy to get those thoughts out of my mind.
Scattery mind come back! So yeah back to how I practically ignore my friends when I'm with them. Wow I put that badly. For some reason I usually feel better just being around people I know and being in that environment without feeling the need to interact with that environment. The familiarity makes me feel comfortable and I'll just listen to my music and watch everyone else interact. I don't know if that's a weird thing, but that's just what I do for whatever reason.
εи∂
9/20/11
My Immortal
I know what you're probably thinking ; Oh great, there's a lot of text in this post I better prepare myself for yet another session of "Jessica Talks About Something Depressing", and yes you're completely right about that. But this time add some immortailty to the mix ;] Gotta make things spicy right?
Clearly, if you could be immortal, that means you can't die. Everybody knows this. But at the same time, it also means that you can't live. The whole idea of living is that eventually you die, and life ends. So if you can never die, then by the same token you can never really live. Without death, there can't be life. Most humans live their entire lives not doing dangerous things or things that could kill them, and these are good restraints. Takings risks is something most people are afraid to do because they want to keep living. That's the whole point; life is only life with the existence of death.
Maybe death is just like.. a side effect of life. But a really bad one (at least if you don't believe in an afterlife or reincanation or whatever). While you get to live and experience living, both the good and bad parts of it, eventually it wears off and you develop an immunity to life. Does that even make sense at all?
Oh and an anime called Casshern Sins set me off on this rant because it was talking about robots. That doesn't sound connected at all but I promise it is. I disagree with one character in the anime because he says that humans accept death; I don't believe this to be true. We spend time trying to avoid it and we live in constant fear of a force we can only see the effects of. Everything humans are afraid of all result in harm or death, and when we're faced with it, we don't accept it at all, we fight it for all we can in our minds. The robots in the anime want to live so badly that they are willing to kill someone just because of a rumor that killing him would allow them to live. While the robots are practically immortal because they are equipped with enough weapons to let them defend themselves from anything threatening, they still are focused on becoming mortal. This must mean that they understand that there isn't much to be made of an existence that never ends, because nothing will come with thrills and risks which is a major part of living.
Post title is from a song by Evanescence.
Clearly, if you could be immortal, that means you can't die. Everybody knows this. But at the same time, it also means that you can't live. The whole idea of living is that eventually you die, and life ends. So if you can never die, then by the same token you can never really live. Without death, there can't be life. Most humans live their entire lives not doing dangerous things or things that could kill them, and these are good restraints. Takings risks is something most people are afraid to do because they want to keep living. That's the whole point; life is only life with the existence of death.
Maybe death is just like.. a side effect of life. But a really bad one (at least if you don't believe in an afterlife or reincanation or whatever). While you get to live and experience living, both the good and bad parts of it, eventually it wears off and you develop an immunity to life. Does that even make sense at all?
Oh and an anime called Casshern Sins set me off on this rant because it was talking about robots. That doesn't sound connected at all but I promise it is. I disagree with one character in the anime because he says that humans accept death; I don't believe this to be true. We spend time trying to avoid it and we live in constant fear of a force we can only see the effects of. Everything humans are afraid of all result in harm or death, and when we're faced with it, we don't accept it at all, we fight it for all we can in our minds. The robots in the anime want to live so badly that they are willing to kill someone just because of a rumor that killing him would allow them to live. While the robots are practically immortal because they are equipped with enough weapons to let them defend themselves from anything threatening, they still are focused on becoming mortal. This must mean that they understand that there isn't much to be made of an existence that never ends, because nothing will come with thrills and risks which is a major part of living.
Post title is from a song by Evanescence.
8/30/11
That Thing Called College
Wow. So apparently I've already been here for over a week now. Which may not sound like a long time but it felt like it was so I'm saying it was. And no way am I writing this post to escape from the confusion of astronomical terms and mathy stuff. No way would I ever do anything like that.
Anyways, I think I'm finally starting to get used to the college life. I think I may have eaten just enough to survive in the first few days, but nothing's wrong with losing the "freshman 15" before possibly putting it back on right? At first I was having a hard time with the complete change of life. Now I have so much freedom and nobody telling me what to do which is both good and bad. I love being able to just go out and do what I want when I want with who I want, but I know once school is in full session with the crazy homeworks I won't have so much time. But I'll make the most of it while I can.
I'm really glad that I already knew a bunch of people going to UF because if I didn't I feel like I would just be cooped up in my dorm all the time being depressed and antisocial. Going to eat alone is both an awkward and sad experience although I don't really like to talk while I'm eating it's still nice to not have to sit by yourself. And still so, I feel like I might actually prefer not having known so many people because spending so much time with them detracts from any time I might spend making new friends. Although I have extremely horrible social skills, I'd like to believe that I would be able to make some friends. I've so far talked to two completely random people just because and I'm actually proud of myself for it. Any time I run into people I 'know' from high school, they'll wave and act like we were best buds just because of the familiarity aspect. In a new environment everyone runs back to the familiar and that's just what's been happening. People who never even acknowledged my existence now actually say hi to me and I kind of feel obliged to interact with them too. Just the other day I was with a group of high school people and we ran into other people from our high school too. Thing is, these were people I never really liked in the first place so as they talked to other people in the group I just stood by the edge of the conversation not saying anything because I didn't even want to have to pretend that I wanted to talk to them.
My roommate is fun and nice, but we haven't really done much together yet and we're still figuring each other out. A lot of time we spend is just separately on our computers and we haven't even really gone to eat together anywhere yet because we eat at different times. We have a class together and we sit together but we can't really talk during class.
More and more I keep feeling inadequate compared to other people and I can't stop comparing myself with other people. I keep feeling hypocritical and like I'm doing something I shouldn't even though I know I make my own decisions now. I have to stop thinking so much about things I can't really control because doing so isn't the best way to spend time. I'm learning how to adjust and realizing that I can go on without always seeing the people I used to think I couldn't live without. Don't get me wrong, I still love them, but in all my insecurities part of me felt like I'd never be able to make any other friends so I didn't want to even let go of them at all. I haven't really made too many new friends yet, but really it's only been a week and a half. I pretty much still have four long years ahead of me to make friends.
Either way, overall college has had it's ups and downs so far. I'd say I'm hoping for the best, but everyone knows I don't really do that. So here's to an unpredictable future.
Anyways, I think I'm finally starting to get used to the college life. I think I may have eaten just enough to survive in the first few days, but nothing's wrong with losing the "freshman 15" before possibly putting it back on right? At first I was having a hard time with the complete change of life. Now I have so much freedom and nobody telling me what to do which is both good and bad. I love being able to just go out and do what I want when I want with who I want, but I know once school is in full session with the crazy homeworks I won't have so much time. But I'll make the most of it while I can.
I'm really glad that I already knew a bunch of people going to UF because if I didn't I feel like I would just be cooped up in my dorm all the time being depressed and antisocial. Going to eat alone is both an awkward and sad experience although I don't really like to talk while I'm eating it's still nice to not have to sit by yourself. And still so, I feel like I might actually prefer not having known so many people because spending so much time with them detracts from any time I might spend making new friends. Although I have extremely horrible social skills, I'd like to believe that I would be able to make some friends. I've so far talked to two completely random people just because and I'm actually proud of myself for it. Any time I run into people I 'know' from high school, they'll wave and act like we were best buds just because of the familiarity aspect. In a new environment everyone runs back to the familiar and that's just what's been happening. People who never even acknowledged my existence now actually say hi to me and I kind of feel obliged to interact with them too. Just the other day I was with a group of high school people and we ran into other people from our high school too. Thing is, these were people I never really liked in the first place so as they talked to other people in the group I just stood by the edge of the conversation not saying anything because I didn't even want to have to pretend that I wanted to talk to them.
My roommate is fun and nice, but we haven't really done much together yet and we're still figuring each other out. A lot of time we spend is just separately on our computers and we haven't even really gone to eat together anywhere yet because we eat at different times. We have a class together and we sit together but we can't really talk during class.
More and more I keep feeling inadequate compared to other people and I can't stop comparing myself with other people. I keep feeling hypocritical and like I'm doing something I shouldn't even though I know I make my own decisions now. I have to stop thinking so much about things I can't really control because doing so isn't the best way to spend time. I'm learning how to adjust and realizing that I can go on without always seeing the people I used to think I couldn't live without. Don't get me wrong, I still love them, but in all my insecurities part of me felt like I'd never be able to make any other friends so I didn't want to even let go of them at all. I haven't really made too many new friends yet, but really it's only been a week and a half. I pretty much still have four long years ahead of me to make friends.
Either way, overall college has had it's ups and downs so far. I'd say I'm hoping for the best, but everyone knows I don't really do that. So here's to an unpredictable future.
8/26/11
The Situation
Well hello blog readers! I want to give you a hypothetical situation and see what you think about it. Remember; completely hypothetical. (And also hypothetically 'you' are a male)
Okay first imagine yourself sitting down in a van. It's a pretty big van that can fit up to 15 passengers in it with 3 people in each row. You sit by the window and then are joined by two girls. The girl directly to the right of you immediately sits down begins to adjust the air vent on the roof of the van so that it hits her. You then protest that she is hogging all the air, to which she replies "We were playing racquetball and I'm a cool kid and I wear jeans to the gym so I need some good cold air". You get slightly frustrated, but not in the bad kind of way just sort of playing around, and you push the vent so that it closes. The girl then glares at you, also jokingly, and then proceeds to reopen the vent so that the air goes to her.
After this, you hear the girl next to you begin to talk about how it would be a fun job to drive around students at night to which the girl farther away from you replies that it wouldn't go well because everyone would get lost. You laugh a little bit as you continue to listen and their conversation starts to get very strange. There is a sort of momentary silence, but it isn't long before the girl next to you says "It would be funny if the markings on this van faded and then they went to pick someone up who called for the van and just stopped next to the person and said 'Get in the van'". The girl farther from you laughs hysterically at this comment.
After the laughing fades away, she pulls out her phone and starts flipping through pictures that she has. The girl next to you asks the other girl if she happens to have any pictures of cheese on her phone, to which the response is that it would be a very strange thing to have a picture of cheese on your phone. The girl next to you then is punny and says that everyone should take a picture of cheese at some point, especially if it's very holey. Now as the other girl is flipping through her pictures, the girl who is next to you starts cracking up at one of them. She then says "You criticize people who would have a picture of cheese on your phone yet you have a picture of a watermelon on yours?!" which causes both girls to laugh hysterically.
Then the girl next to you turns to face you and tells you what just happened which you think is funny and you also begin to laugh. She then asks you whether you prefer cheese or watermelon to which you side with her and say that it would would be better to have a picture of cheese than have one of watermelon. A semi-serious conversational debate about watermelon vs cheese then ensues which you watch with great enjoyment because the argument is so pointless and incoherent that it's hilarious. Then the van stops and one of the girls has to get out because it's her stop, but before she leaves she says to you "Well it was nice creeping you out random stranger". Then she walks out of the van leaving you and the other girl in that row.
What kind of first impression would you get of those two girls? I actually really want to know what someone would think of people. Y'know if they did that. But remember here; completely hypothetical.
Okay fine, so I was that girl, the one sitting next to 'you'. I don't even know what came over me, but I was just acting strange tonight so I was actually being outgoing. I included a random guy in an even more random conversation, and I didn't get a strange look on his face. I do kind of wonder if he thought we were the weirdest people he's ever eavesdropped on in his life, but he didn't seem to think we were extremely crazy. I actually wish I could be like that more often; I'd like if people's first impressions of me were more like that. That way I'd never ever have to try to pretend to be normal, because it's just not fun. I mean if I can start a conversation about cheese vs watermelon and actually get someone to participate in it I think that person would be worth talking to more. It's too bad I never got that guy's name though... Oh well. I'll just call him "cheese guy".
(Also, I have no idea if anybody will get the reference made in the title and if they do they will be shocked that I would even reference something so stupid or even know enough about it to be able to reference it in the first place)
Okay first imagine yourself sitting down in a van. It's a pretty big van that can fit up to 15 passengers in it with 3 people in each row. You sit by the window and then are joined by two girls. The girl directly to the right of you immediately sits down begins to adjust the air vent on the roof of the van so that it hits her. You then protest that she is hogging all the air, to which she replies "We were playing racquetball and I'm a cool kid and I wear jeans to the gym so I need some good cold air". You get slightly frustrated, but not in the bad kind of way just sort of playing around, and you push the vent so that it closes. The girl then glares at you, also jokingly, and then proceeds to reopen the vent so that the air goes to her.
After this, you hear the girl next to you begin to talk about how it would be a fun job to drive around students at night to which the girl farther away from you replies that it wouldn't go well because everyone would get lost. You laugh a little bit as you continue to listen and their conversation starts to get very strange. There is a sort of momentary silence, but it isn't long before the girl next to you says "It would be funny if the markings on this van faded and then they went to pick someone up who called for the van and just stopped next to the person and said 'Get in the van'". The girl farther from you laughs hysterically at this comment.
After the laughing fades away, she pulls out her phone and starts flipping through pictures that she has. The girl next to you asks the other girl if she happens to have any pictures of cheese on her phone, to which the response is that it would be a very strange thing to have a picture of cheese on your phone. The girl next to you then is punny and says that everyone should take a picture of cheese at some point, especially if it's very holey. Now as the other girl is flipping through her pictures, the girl who is next to you starts cracking up at one of them. She then says "You criticize people who would have a picture of cheese on your phone yet you have a picture of a watermelon on yours?!" which causes both girls to laugh hysterically.
Then the girl next to you turns to face you and tells you what just happened which you think is funny and you also begin to laugh. She then asks you whether you prefer cheese or watermelon to which you side with her and say that it would would be better to have a picture of cheese than have one of watermelon. A semi-serious conversational debate about watermelon vs cheese then ensues which you watch with great enjoyment because the argument is so pointless and incoherent that it's hilarious. Then the van stops and one of the girls has to get out because it's her stop, but before she leaves she says to you "Well it was nice creeping you out random stranger". Then she walks out of the van leaving you and the other girl in that row.
What kind of first impression would you get of those two girls? I actually really want to know what someone would think of people. Y'know if they did that. But remember here; completely hypothetical.
Okay fine, so I was that girl, the one sitting next to 'you'. I don't even know what came over me, but I was just acting strange tonight so I was actually being outgoing. I included a random guy in an even more random conversation, and I didn't get a strange look on his face. I do kind of wonder if he thought we were the weirdest people he's ever eavesdropped on in his life, but he didn't seem to think we were extremely crazy. I actually wish I could be like that more often; I'd like if people's first impressions of me were more like that. That way I'd never ever have to try to pretend to be normal, because it's just not fun. I mean if I can start a conversation about cheese vs watermelon and actually get someone to participate in it I think that person would be worth talking to more. It's too bad I never got that guy's name though... Oh well. I'll just call him "cheese guy".
(Also, I have no idea if anybody will get the reference made in the title and if they do they will be shocked that I would even reference something so stupid or even know enough about it to be able to reference it in the first place)
8/13/11
My Puppy
I think everyone who knows me knows I love my dog (possibly too much). She's my baby and I admit I do sometimes obsess over her. Today she got scared by a thunderstorm so she decided to just follow me around the house for a while so she didn't have to be alone. After the storm was over, she was in my room and my closet door was open. I was sitting on my bed just looking at her when she decided she wanted to go into my closet.
So she went in my closet (which has sliding doors) and went to the end that wasn't opened and just stood there facing the wall for a few seconds. I got up off my bed and opened the side of the closet she was on and she poked her head out at me before she turned around and went back to the other side of the closet which was now closed because I'd opened the other side for her. I then went to the side where she was and again slid the doors open for her to be able to get out. I think she thought this was some kind of game because she did it over and over again. After she was done with her cute 'game' she licked me a lot as if she was thanking me for playing with her. She was so adorable. I'm going to miss hugging her to death every day.
So she went in my closet (which has sliding doors) and went to the end that wasn't opened and just stood there facing the wall for a few seconds. I got up off my bed and opened the side of the closet she was on and she poked her head out at me before she turned around and went back to the other side of the closet which was now closed because I'd opened the other side for her. I then went to the side where she was and again slid the doors open for her to be able to get out. I think she thought this was some kind of game because she did it over and over again. After she was done with her cute 'game' she licked me a lot as if she was thanking me for playing with her. She was so adorable. I'm going to miss hugging her to death every day.
8/7/11
20Q! (+10)
I'm bored and need a post. Stolen from Juliana.
1. Name one thing that has always fascinated you. I constantly think about life and death.
2. What was a time when your life did not meet your or others’ expectations? I sort of always feel like a failure XD
3. Can you judge a book by its cover? Everyone says you shouldn't but humans can't help but factor it in
4. What is your lucky number, and why is it so lucky? I like 298 (don't ask) and 16 because it was my jersey number for soccer
5. Is there anything you, ‘just know’ and have no explainable or rational way to explain how you know it? About what exactly? I 'just know' quite a lot of things based on observations or guesses.
6. Name one thing in your life you hope you never have to see or encounter again. A giant frog being on my bathroom mirror. I literally couldn't sleep for several nights after that experience
7. What was the most personal question someone ever asked you? Did you answer it? People don't ask me personal questions because they know I won't answer them
8. What was your first sexual experience? -
9. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? Not too long ago I'd say I'd want to completely change myself into a different person. But now I'm between having more patience or being more outgoing.
10. Have you ever wanted to trade places with someone else for a day, week, or a lifetime? If so, who was it and why? I think everyone's wanted to. I'd kinda wanna be Tina Fey. I dunno if that counts as trading places.
11. What would someone see if they went in your closet right now? Not much. I'm cleaning it out for college
12. Have you ever had a crush on someone you shouldn’t? I don't really know what you mean by "shouldn't".
13. Name something you’ve always wanted that you will never ever have. Confidence
14. Who was your first boyfriend? Michael
15. If you could choose to believe in Science or religion, which would you choose and why? This is a tough one. Both lead to unanswered questions, but I tend to like fact which means science.
16. What was your last food craving? I keep wanting pizza.
17. What is your favorite place to get breakfast? I don't get breakfast
18. When did you last speak to your best friend? What did you talk about? I'm always talking to Juliana and I talked to Emily about ninja info cards.
19. “Being bad feels pretty good.” What do you think about this? People get thrills for doing things they're told not to do. It's stupid, but it's human.
20. What is the first thing you usually think of when you get up in the morning? Either "I really don't want to get up" or "I need to make this headache go away"
21. What is something you can do now that you could not do four years ago? I don't even know
22. Would you have sex with someone you don’t love? My answer to questions like this is always that these things are completely circumstantial so I'll go with that.
23. Of all the people you know, who do you feel most comfortable talking to or can talk to about anything? Michael probably because I've known him for a long time
24. Assuming you’ve lost your virginity, at what age did you lose it? You assume incorrectly
25. How good are you at keeping secrets? I keep both my own secrets and those other people trust me with.
26. Do you have a personal secret even your closest friends don’t know? I probably do but I can't really think of anything and I don't even know if I'd remember it myself
27. Do you believe in reincarnation? I think it's an interesting concept but I don't think I believe in it
28. Has anyone (besides yourself) ever read your diary, either with or without your permission? No.
29. Have you ever had a crush on an authority figure (i.e. boss, teacher, etc.). Nope
30. Have you ever felt as if you were a failure or somehow ‘failed’ someone you care about? Refer to #2
1. Name one thing that has always fascinated you. I constantly think about life and death.
2. What was a time when your life did not meet your or others’ expectations? I sort of always feel like a failure XD
3. Can you judge a book by its cover? Everyone says you shouldn't but humans can't help but factor it in
4. What is your lucky number, and why is it so lucky? I like 298 (don't ask) and 16 because it was my jersey number for soccer
5. Is there anything you, ‘just know’ and have no explainable or rational way to explain how you know it? About what exactly? I 'just know' quite a lot of things based on observations or guesses.
6. Name one thing in your life you hope you never have to see or encounter again. A giant frog being on my bathroom mirror. I literally couldn't sleep for several nights after that experience
7. What was the most personal question someone ever asked you? Did you answer it? People don't ask me personal questions because they know I won't answer them
8. What was your first sexual experience? -
9. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? Not too long ago I'd say I'd want to completely change myself into a different person. But now I'm between having more patience or being more outgoing.
10. Have you ever wanted to trade places with someone else for a day, week, or a lifetime? If so, who was it and why? I think everyone's wanted to. I'd kinda wanna be Tina Fey. I dunno if that counts as trading places.
11. What would someone see if they went in your closet right now? Not much. I'm cleaning it out for college
12. Have you ever had a crush on someone you shouldn’t? I don't really know what you mean by "shouldn't".
13. Name something you’ve always wanted that you will never ever have. Confidence
14. Who was your first boyfriend? Michael
15. If you could choose to believe in Science or religion, which would you choose and why? This is a tough one. Both lead to unanswered questions, but I tend to like fact which means science.
16. What was your last food craving? I keep wanting pizza.
17. What is your favorite place to get breakfast? I don't get breakfast
18. When did you last speak to your best friend? What did you talk about? I'm always talking to Juliana and I talked to Emily about ninja info cards.
19. “Being bad feels pretty good.” What do you think about this? People get thrills for doing things they're told not to do. It's stupid, but it's human.
20. What is the first thing you usually think of when you get up in the morning? Either "I really don't want to get up" or "I need to make this headache go away"
21. What is something you can do now that you could not do four years ago? I don't even know
22. Would you have sex with someone you don’t love? My answer to questions like this is always that these things are completely circumstantial so I'll go with that.
23. Of all the people you know, who do you feel most comfortable talking to or can talk to about anything? Michael probably because I've known him for a long time
24. Assuming you’ve lost your virginity, at what age did you lose it? You assume incorrectly
25. How good are you at keeping secrets? I keep both my own secrets and those other people trust me with.
26. Do you have a personal secret even your closest friends don’t know? I probably do but I can't really think of anything and I don't even know if I'd remember it myself
27. Do you believe in reincarnation? I think it's an interesting concept but I don't think I believe in it
28. Has anyone (besides yourself) ever read your diary, either with or without your permission? No.
29. Have you ever had a crush on an authority figure (i.e. boss, teacher, etc.). Nope
30. Have you ever felt as if you were a failure or somehow ‘failed’ someone you care about? Refer to #2
7/17/11
What Are We Worth?
I read an article in the newspaper yesterday about the value of human life. Apparently certain groups/companies tell people how much money they think a human life is worth. And so do certain parts of the government. What I don't get is how it can change from one year to the next or even one company to the next. According to these companies, people have become more valuable in recent years even though the amount of people has also been growing. And how can we say that every life has the same value? Can we even say that? Is it wrong to think that someone could be considered more or even less valuable than someone else?
We all know that certain people mean more to us than others; we can't help that. Our friends and family are more important to us than complete strangers are. While we do care about people that we don't really know, we don't care about them as much as the people we know more personally. Then there are the celebrities who everybody knows about. People seem to think celebrities are worth more than normal people just because people know who they are. How can we measure how much people are worth? And why do we even feel the need to measure it? I think it's the human thing to do: stick a price tag on life. Making something "worth" money puts it in perspective for us.
The statistics:
We all know that certain people mean more to us than others; we can't help that. Our friends and family are more important to us than complete strangers are. While we do care about people that we don't really know, we don't care about them as much as the people we know more personally. Then there are the celebrities who everybody knows about. People seem to think celebrities are worth more than normal people just because people know who they are. How can we measure how much people are worth? And why do we even feel the need to measure it? I think it's the human thing to do: stick a price tag on life. Making something "worth" money puts it in perspective for us.
The statistics:
- The Environmental Potection Agency set the value for $9.1 million while during the Bush administration the EPA set $6.8 million
- The Food and Drug Administration figured $7.9 million but in 2008 the FDA estimated $5 million
- The Transportation Department put our worth at $6 million
6/22/11
Depressive Realism
I was on stumbleupon the other day and found a Wikipedia page titled "Depressive Realism". The idea of it is that people who are thought of to be depressed are actually that way because they see the world as it actually is. Since they don't see things are being better than they actually are because they are pessimistic, it's possible they see the world without any other constructs blocking it.
I don't know if there really is an "actual world" exactly, I just think that the world is the way we see it. We can't see it any other way than we do, so that is the world to us. If there is just one "actual world", then it does make sense that people who are depressed would see it more accurately than people who aren't. Without the positive emotions to make the world look better than it could actually be, it could make you see the world as something closer to what it actually is. But at the same time with people who are severely depressed they would see everything with a negative light to it which would also be away from reality.
Either way, I think the world only exists as we see it and that there isn't a "correct" view of it. How we see it is what the world is to us and even though our view of it may change that doesn't necessarily mean the actual world changes. To us it does, but that's just a shift of perspective. I don't know if anything I just said makes any sense but I tried.
I don't know if there really is an "actual world" exactly, I just think that the world is the way we see it. We can't see it any other way than we do, so that is the world to us. If there is just one "actual world", then it does make sense that people who are depressed would see it more accurately than people who aren't. Without the positive emotions to make the world look better than it could actually be, it could make you see the world as something closer to what it actually is. But at the same time with people who are severely depressed they would see everything with a negative light to it which would also be away from reality.
Either way, I think the world only exists as we see it and that there isn't a "correct" view of it. How we see it is what the world is to us and even though our view of it may change that doesn't necessarily mean the actual world changes. To us it does, but that's just a shift of perspective. I don't know if anything I just said makes any sense but I tried.
6/16/11
Come Clean
One person's lie can become another's truth. I've been thinking about this and realizing how bad this is. With one lie, you completely change what someone else believes to be true. They can construct a completely wrong reality which they think is right just because of what you tell them. Sometimes this is for the better, but usually it's bad to weave a web of lies so intricate. Lies don't even have to be intricate to be able to hurt someone.
There's always the debate of whether it's ever okay to lie. Clearly there are differing opinions on this, but mine is that it's okay to lie as long as there's a very good reason for it. Deceiving someone isn't good, but if it's to protect them then an exception can be made.
I really hate to admit this, but I do lie. Often. I don't lie about anything big (usually), but I sometimes construct things just because I feel like it. It may sound strange, but I want to be caught in one of my lies because if I just keep getting away with it I'll just keep doing it. I need the consequence for the action to stop. It used to be difficult for me to think of a lie, but now anytime I need one it comes to my head so quickly that I barely even have to think. I can pretty much construct an excuse for anything that comes my way and make it have just the right amount of detail to it so I can get away with it. The only thing that doesn't make me really scared about how easy it is for me to lie is that I find it hard to lie to people I care about much more difficult. Sometimes I even see how far I can go with lying until I get caught like it's a game. It's probably a problem that I do this. I'm trying to stop feeling like I always have to make excuses for everything, but it's a hard habit to stop. Lying can be so much easier than telling the truth.
A lot of times I want so badly to tell whomever I lied to that what I told them was wrong. But I know that will make things worse in every case. Being told you were lied to is not something people like to hear. I know I always expect people to tell me the truth, but I guess that makes me a hypocrite.
[Post title is the name of the song by Hilary Duff]
There's always the debate of whether it's ever okay to lie. Clearly there are differing opinions on this, but mine is that it's okay to lie as long as there's a very good reason for it. Deceiving someone isn't good, but if it's to protect them then an exception can be made.
I really hate to admit this, but I do lie. Often. I don't lie about anything big (usually), but I sometimes construct things just because I feel like it. It may sound strange, but I want to be caught in one of my lies because if I just keep getting away with it I'll just keep doing it. I need the consequence for the action to stop. It used to be difficult for me to think of a lie, but now anytime I need one it comes to my head so quickly that I barely even have to think. I can pretty much construct an excuse for anything that comes my way and make it have just the right amount of detail to it so I can get away with it. The only thing that doesn't make me really scared about how easy it is for me to lie is that I find it hard to lie to people I care about much more difficult. Sometimes I even see how far I can go with lying until I get caught like it's a game. It's probably a problem that I do this. I'm trying to stop feeling like I always have to make excuses for everything, but it's a hard habit to stop. Lying can be so much easier than telling the truth.
A lot of times I want so badly to tell whomever I lied to that what I told them was wrong. But I know that will make things worse in every case. Being told you were lied to is not something people like to hear. I know I always expect people to tell me the truth, but I guess that makes me a hypocrite.
[Post title is the name of the song by Hilary Duff]
6/10/11
Bliss
I'm resolving to myself to be a happier person. Being sad is only a drain on the people I love, and I don't want to do that to them. I no longer want to be the one who has to rely on my friends to make me laugh, I want to be the one they count on to put them in a better mood. Telling myself to try harder to be happy does mean I need to stop thinking so much about everything, which may be hard to do. But I know I have things in my life that other people don't and things that I definitely take for granted, and I'm not listing them here because it would take way too long for me to write them.
It's not in my nature to see the good in things, but I'm saying now that I'm going to try hard to change that. It's never fun for me or anyone around me when I'm being super pessimistic. So, my dear blog, I tell you now that I resolve to be happy. Wish me luck.
It's not in my nature to see the good in things, but I'm saying now that I'm going to try hard to change that. It's never fun for me or anyone around me when I'm being super pessimistic. So, my dear blog, I tell you now that I resolve to be happy. Wish me luck.
6/8/11
Satellite Mind
Warning: The immediate forecast contains a lot of rambling. Be cautious and traverse the post carefully.
I've been looking at quotes a lot lately because whenever I have no idea how to express how I feel, I look to smart people to put words in a way that I could never think of. A lot of the quotes I found were about life and such which are the ones I like, but the ideas behind most of them got me thinking. I never really thought about how being happy can be so hard to do and that my pessimism is probably just be a product of me not wanting to have to deal with anything ever. So through quote searching, I've discovered that I suck. All it takes is some attempt to see the good things to be happy. And I can't even do that simple thing.
I always tell myself I'll be a happier person, that I'll try not to look at every single thing in a negative light, but every time I fail. Although sometimes I can be in a good mood, it's not often that happens, and when it does it usually goes away pretty quickly. Since it's summer my mind has been on a rampage like putting Godzilla in Tokyo in 1955. Not seeing my friends all the time and having no definite plans with them makes me anxious about whether I'll ever see them again, and being forced to think about college and making new friends makes me anxious about whether I'll even like the people I have to live with and be around.
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Truthfully, and I've recently discovered this, I'm not as scared about not seeing my friends again as I am about possibly forgetting those moments I've had with them that I never want to lose. Even though I want to remember every moment I've spent with them even just a few memories would be a miracle for me to remember . My memory is so bad that I've completely forgotten the person who wrote the most in my yearbook from 6th grade. Even looking at the picture of her I still can't remember anything about her; the name means nothing to me either. If this happens with people I know now, I don't think I could handle it. Shared memories are the biggest part of any friendship, and not being able to reminisce about "that one time" takes that away. Even if a friendship fizzles out, those memories are part of who you are, the friends and people you meet through your life shape it. Not remembering the type of people you used to hang out with and used to talk to all the time means you lose part of yourself; because you know that you must have found something you liked in the people you came to know.
Over time I've had friends leave me for other people, and I always wonder if they even thought about how I would feel about it. I'm sure they did, or at least I hope they did, but really, leaving without even saying a word about it? I guess in the most obvious case (people who know me know who I'm talking about and I know I bitch about this too much but whatever), it was a gradual thing, but continually believing the person who left who kept giving promises of "I'll hang out with you tomorrow at lunch" was a huge mistake. I've never left my friends, and I don't think I ever would because I take anyone who will willingly hang out with me as a miracle; but I think if I did I would be sad about it. I would still try to keep contact with the people who I left, because while I may not spend as much time with them as I used to, that wouldn't mean that I'd never want to talk to them again. But, again, it's not like I have hordes of people wanting to be my friend. It honestly doesn't bother me that I don't have many friends; it makes looking for the ones who are worth getting to know easier to find.
I've been looking at quotes a lot lately because whenever I have no idea how to express how I feel, I look to smart people to put words in a way that I could never think of. A lot of the quotes I found were about life and such which are the ones I like, but the ideas behind most of them got me thinking. I never really thought about how being happy can be so hard to do and that my pessimism is probably just be a product of me not wanting to have to deal with anything ever. So through quote searching, I've discovered that I suck. All it takes is some attempt to see the good things to be happy. And I can't even do that simple thing.
I always tell myself I'll be a happier person, that I'll try not to look at every single thing in a negative light, but every time I fail. Although sometimes I can be in a good mood, it's not often that happens, and when it does it usually goes away pretty quickly. Since it's summer my mind has been on a rampage like putting Godzilla in Tokyo in 1955. Not seeing my friends all the time and having no definite plans with them makes me anxious about whether I'll ever see them again, and being forced to think about college and making new friends makes me anxious about whether I'll even like the people I have to live with and be around.
-----
Truthfully, and I've recently discovered this, I'm not as scared about not seeing my friends again as I am about possibly forgetting those moments I've had with them that I never want to lose. Even though I want to remember every moment I've spent with them even just a few memories would be a miracle for me to remember . My memory is so bad that I've completely forgotten the person who wrote the most in my yearbook from 6th grade. Even looking at the picture of her I still can't remember anything about her; the name means nothing to me either. If this happens with people I know now, I don't think I could handle it. Shared memories are the biggest part of any friendship, and not being able to reminisce about "that one time" takes that away. Even if a friendship fizzles out, those memories are part of who you are, the friends and people you meet through your life shape it. Not remembering the type of people you used to hang out with and used to talk to all the time means you lose part of yourself; because you know that you must have found something you liked in the people you came to know.
Over time I've had friends leave me for other people, and I always wonder if they even thought about how I would feel about it. I'm sure they did, or at least I hope they did, but really, leaving without even saying a word about it? I guess in the most obvious case (people who know me know who I'm talking about and I know I bitch about this too much but whatever), it was a gradual thing, but continually believing the person who left who kept giving promises of "I'll hang out with you tomorrow at lunch" was a huge mistake. I've never left my friends, and I don't think I ever would because I take anyone who will willingly hang out with me as a miracle; but I think if I did I would be sad about it. I would still try to keep contact with the people who I left, because while I may not spend as much time with them as I used to, that wouldn't mean that I'd never want to talk to them again. But, again, it's not like I have hordes of people wanting to be my friend. It honestly doesn't bother me that I don't have many friends; it makes looking for the ones who are worth getting to know easier to find.
El fin
6/1/11
Guilt
Guilt is a powerful thing. Even Dr. House the crazy guy who doesn't care about anyone can feel it. He almost helped a guy pay off his mortgage because he felt guilty for making someone he went to school with fail out. But technically he didn't and the guy was lying because he wanted to get House to give him money.
Even on Better Off Ted, the character of Veronica who also is a boss and doesn't care about anyone else can get hit by guilt. She thought that she had gotten her job as CEO because of a fluke and when she found out that the guy who didn't get the job was now working at the bottom of the job chain, she feels guilty. She takes him out to dinner and lets him... do stuff to her.
People know how to exploit others and guilt is one of the easiest ways to do it. When someone feels guilty, they will do pretty much anything to get rid of that feeling. Nobody likes feeling guilty. When our conscience feels guilty, we fully believe that something is our fault even if it may not be at all. And when we ask for forgiveness for something, it so happens thatsome most humans are greedy and selfish enough to try and exploit you in your time of mental unrest. In House's case, he tries to give money to stop feeling guilty. He doesn't want to talk with the guy or do anything personal, he just wants to get the guilty feeling to go away.
When people feel guilty they'll do just about anything to get rid of it. They want forgiveness and then they do everything they can to get it. It's a form of psychological manipulation. "Guilt tripping: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position." (Wikipedia). Certain people are able to do this to people in order to fulfill their agenda and it is pretty affective. Anyways, guilt is something no one wants and yet a lot of times it is self-created anyways. We can feel guilty over something we couldn't even control in the first place.
“Guilt is the source of sorrow, 'tis the fiend, Th' avenging fiend, that follows us behind, With whips and stings” -Nicholas Rowe
Even on Better Off Ted, the character of Veronica who also is a boss and doesn't care about anyone else can get hit by guilt. She thought that she had gotten her job as CEO because of a fluke and when she found out that the guy who didn't get the job was now working at the bottom of the job chain, she feels guilty. She takes him out to dinner and lets him... do stuff to her.
People know how to exploit others and guilt is one of the easiest ways to do it. When someone feels guilty, they will do pretty much anything to get rid of that feeling. Nobody likes feeling guilty. When our conscience feels guilty, we fully believe that something is our fault even if it may not be at all. And when we ask for forgiveness for something, it so happens that
When people feel guilty they'll do just about anything to get rid of it. They want forgiveness and then they do everything they can to get it. It's a form of psychological manipulation. "Guilt tripping: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position." (Wikipedia). Certain people are able to do this to people in order to fulfill their agenda and it is pretty affective. Anyways, guilt is something no one wants and yet a lot of times it is self-created anyways. We can feel guilty over something we couldn't even control in the first place.
“Guilt is the source of sorrow, 'tis the fiend, Th' avenging fiend, that follows us behind, With whips and stings” -Nicholas Rowe
5/26/11
Here Comes A Rant
Dear Ms. Obnoxious,
Yeah that's right, I'm talking to you. Maybe you don't know who you are or how much you annoy me, because while you're so annoying you're also ignorant. You should be glad that I don't use the skills I've picked up from the video game medium to somehow make you explode or assassinate you or something like that. The only good thing I've gotten from you is a much better ability to ignore someone and I've also become way more patient. And even with this increased patience I still have trouble not screaming at you daily.
You who talks so loud that in a library you can be heard from the other side of the entire building. You yell into the intercom and give me a heart attack every time you come on to say the library is closing even if I know you're about to do the announcement. It annoys me when you take much longer breaks than anyone else does and nobody says anything to you about it. Actually, nobody says anything about everything you do wrong (which is a lot) not even our boss. Which also is extremely obnoxious. Do they think you're delicate or something just because you're the youngest one at work? Staying in break for 10 extra minutes every day and getting paid the same as people who actually work when we're supposed to be just doesn't seem fair. Oh, and stop making the rest of us do unnecessary extra work because we don't appreciate it.
Don't get me wrong: I'm in no way saying that you're a mean person, it's just that you are so dense that you don't seem to realize what you're doing. Either that or you're trying to sabatoge us, in which case please stop. At first I thought I was just being bitchy and not liking you for no reason which I admit I do sometimes, but the moment I found out I wasn't the only one who was annoyed with you I felt much better. Leaving two people to clean the entire library in 20 minutes while you calmly put books away that used to be in the right place in the back room so other people have to put them back where you took them from is not fun. And then we both have to stay at work late to finish the minimal work you managed to accomplish while you leave on time. I know it may not be your fault for talking loud or even being socially awkward, but the appearance you give to everyone is that you're purposely trying to piss us off. If you are and I find out I will be very displeased to say the least.
Oh and back to break time; do you not know how to turn off the noises from your phone? Sure I realize now that you are practically begging for someone to initiate a conversation with you, but this desperation makes people not want to talk to you. Turn off those noises before I grab your phone from you and slam it into the wall because I don't want to have to pay for a replacement phone for you. Playing your DS with a game where you have to repeatedly blow into the microphone is just awkward. Next time try playing a normal game where you hit buttons for the sake of my sanity. Maybe your technology in general should just get taken away from you during break time because you also do that thing where you put your music way too loud so other people hear it. I'm not sure why, but that always pisses me off no matter who does it. The point of using earphones is so other people don't have to hear what you listen to so putting it that loud totally defeats the purpose. Oh and it also defeats your eardrums. During those times I pray that the vending machines will decide that they need to be colder for a little while and get louder so I don't have to hear your whatever the hell it is you even listen to.
How I wish I could say all of this to you. I know I shouldn't let you bother me so much, but you just do. Rant over. Kthxbai.
Yeah that's right, I'm talking to you. Maybe you don't know who you are or how much you annoy me, because while you're so annoying you're also ignorant. You should be glad that I don't use the skills I've picked up from the video game medium to somehow make you explode or assassinate you or something like that. The only good thing I've gotten from you is a much better ability to ignore someone and I've also become way more patient. And even with this increased patience I still have trouble not screaming at you daily.
You who talks so loud that in a library you can be heard from the other side of the entire building. You yell into the intercom and give me a heart attack every time you come on to say the library is closing even if I know you're about to do the announcement. It annoys me when you take much longer breaks than anyone else does and nobody says anything to you about it. Actually, nobody says anything about everything you do wrong (which is a lot) not even our boss. Which also is extremely obnoxious. Do they think you're delicate or something just because you're the youngest one at work? Staying in break for 10 extra minutes every day and getting paid the same as people who actually work when we're supposed to be just doesn't seem fair. Oh, and stop making the rest of us do unnecessary extra work because we don't appreciate it.
Don't get me wrong: I'm in no way saying that you're a mean person, it's just that you are so dense that you don't seem to realize what you're doing. Either that or you're trying to sabatoge us, in which case please stop. At first I thought I was just being bitchy and not liking you for no reason which I admit I do sometimes, but the moment I found out I wasn't the only one who was annoyed with you I felt much better. Leaving two people to clean the entire library in 20 minutes while you calmly put books away that used to be in the right place in the back room so other people have to put them back where you took them from is not fun. And then we both have to stay at work late to finish the minimal work you managed to accomplish while you leave on time. I know it may not be your fault for talking loud or even being socially awkward, but the appearance you give to everyone is that you're purposely trying to piss us off. If you are and I find out I will be very displeased to say the least.
Oh and back to break time; do you not know how to turn off the noises from your phone? Sure I realize now that you are practically begging for someone to initiate a conversation with you, but this desperation makes people not want to talk to you. Turn off those noises before I grab your phone from you and slam it into the wall because I don't want to have to pay for a replacement phone for you. Playing your DS with a game where you have to repeatedly blow into the microphone is just awkward. Next time try playing a normal game where you hit buttons for the sake of my sanity. Maybe your technology in general should just get taken away from you during break time because you also do that thing where you put your music way too loud so other people hear it. I'm not sure why, but that always pisses me off no matter who does it. The point of using earphones is so other people don't have to hear what you listen to so putting it that loud totally defeats the purpose. Oh and it also defeats your eardrums. During those times I pray that the vending machines will decide that they need to be colder for a little while and get louder so I don't have to hear your whatever the hell it is you even listen to.
How I wish I could say all of this to you. I know I shouldn't let you bother me so much, but you just do. Rant over. Kthxbai.
5/15/11
I Have No Title for This
Well, since my posts have been long, boring, and depressing lately I'm going to just post some videos up here. Most of them are just random but some are chosen for my own reasons ;]
If you couldn't tell, the awkwardly cute little boy is Seth Green. And he has mouth jewelry. The clip is from the 1988 movie My Stepmother is an Alien which I now have to see because I must see cute little Seth Green.
Cheese Dude; 'nuff said
This makes me laugh every time.
I love James Marsters XD
So true.
There is nothing I can say about this. It's too awesome for words to describe.
If you couldn't tell, the awkwardly cute little boy is Seth Green. And he has mouth jewelry. The clip is from the 1988 movie My Stepmother is an Alien which I now have to see because I must see cute little Seth Green.
Cheese Dude; 'nuff said
This makes me laugh every time.
I love James Marsters XD
So true.
There is nothing I can say about this. It's too awesome for words to describe.
5/1/11
A Moment Lost
I hate how days can feel like years and years can feel like days. High school seems like it's just "A moment lost" in my life as the title says (it's a song). As time blurs together and memories do too, I wish there was some way for me to preserve them. But at the same time there are things I would rather forget (and sadly it's usually the things I want to forget that I remember most). I know that after I graduate high school in a little less than a month, I won't even talk to most of the people I have gotten to know throughout those four years even though that's not very many people. Half of me wants to make the most of the time we have left but the other half wants to just have the heartbreak now and get it over with because I know the more time I spend with my friends the more I'll miss them. I'm sure that I'll make friends in college (or at least I hope so) and it's possible that one of them will be my best friend for the rest of my life, but right now I don't want to; I want to keep my friends that I have now with me forever. I know a lot of this is because of my aversion to social contact with people I hardly know. Making new friends has always been hard for me and I've lately been realizing that most of my friendships have only come about because of other friends. My friendship with one person led me to a friendship with a few other people and then those led to me meeting other people. The whole thing became a chain and it's sad that I now hardly even talk to the person who started the chain. The lowest point I've ever had in my life was when I had only one friend in school and I'm scared to death that I'll go through the same thing in college.
I also always seem to have the problem of me wanting to stay friends with someone even after I don't see them every day anymore but they really don't. My friends from middle school seem to not care to keep in touch with me even though I've made so many attempts to keep in contact. I'm so afraid that the same thing will happen with the friends I've made in high school too, but I do at least aknowledge now that it will happen so it won't be as saddening. Most of what kills me about it is how I know that some people will tell me that we'll keep in touch and it just won't happen despite my attempts. And those types of things are really the things I remember most only to never talk to those people again. I know I'll want to carry on like nothing has changed, but my brain is slowly comprehending that I won't see these people 5 days a week for the rest of my life. Even now as I'm writing this my stomach is knotting up and my head is starting to hurt just thinking about it. It's this gut-wrenching feeling that makes me know that I'll be an emotional wreck at graduation. At the same time though, people will change during college and sometimes it could be dramatic; there could be a possibility that I wouldn't want to be their friend anymore after college because of how they've changed but there's also the opposite situation of me changing to the point where they don't like me anymore.
Recently I've been keeping a sort of journal/diary type thing to hopefully improve my memory but I'm very hesitant about describing too much in it because I have the habit of looking back at things and getting sad over how things used to be even if I wasn't as happy at that time. I tend to look at old pictures and things I wrote a lot and I know that reading all these entries in the future will most likely just make me sad. But at the same time I'm trying to improve my memory so maybe it will be worth it in the end somehow.
Super rant over. Had to get this out of my head.
"The bonds we form help us down the path less lonely
but eventually, we lose each other in the darkness."
I also always seem to have the problem of me wanting to stay friends with someone even after I don't see them every day anymore but they really don't. My friends from middle school seem to not care to keep in touch with me even though I've made so many attempts to keep in contact. I'm so afraid that the same thing will happen with the friends I've made in high school too, but I do at least aknowledge now that it will happen so it won't be as saddening. Most of what kills me about it is how I know that some people will tell me that we'll keep in touch and it just won't happen despite my attempts. And those types of things are really the things I remember most only to never talk to those people again. I know I'll want to carry on like nothing has changed, but my brain is slowly comprehending that I won't see these people 5 days a week for the rest of my life. Even now as I'm writing this my stomach is knotting up and my head is starting to hurt just thinking about it. It's this gut-wrenching feeling that makes me know that I'll be an emotional wreck at graduation. At the same time though, people will change during college and sometimes it could be dramatic; there could be a possibility that I wouldn't want to be their friend anymore after college because of how they've changed but there's also the opposite situation of me changing to the point where they don't like me anymore.
Recently I've been keeping a sort of journal/diary type thing to hopefully improve my memory but I'm very hesitant about describing too much in it because I have the habit of looking back at things and getting sad over how things used to be even if I wasn't as happy at that time. I tend to look at old pictures and things I wrote a lot and I know that reading all these entries in the future will most likely just make me sad. But at the same time I'm trying to improve my memory so maybe it will be worth it in the end somehow.
Super rant over. Had to get this out of my head.
"The bonds we form help us down the path less lonely
but eventually, we lose each other in the darkness."
4/17/11
(There's Gotta Be) More to Life
I just can't stop thinking about it. The meaning of life has been eluding me in every discussion with myself I've had recently about this, which is probably more than most people even think about it in their entire lives. With IB exams and graduation coming up soon, I'm being forced to think of what I want to do past high school and in the real world away from my parents and most of my friends. Then I start thinking about why I'm doing everything I am and why it matters. What good is all this mental suffering and having to work all the time? Sure, I'll "be ready for college and the real world" from these things, but where does that lead? After college you get a job in the world doing what you studied for and then you just keep on moving through life. There doesn't seem to be a point where anyone's life means anything in relation to well... anything. Okay, cool, so you cure cancer. That means more people get to live and contribute to the world right? Sure, but really what is the goal of the world? What's the difference between dying now and dying later?
It seems like every day is the same way and my life has been on a loop for the past few months with a few other things happening once and a while that didn't happen before. Get up way too early to go to school, go to school, get out of school, go to work, go home, do homework, sleep. Repeat that and that's pretty much my life in an ever so unimportant nutshell.
Sure, there are things I look forward to in life like finally finishing school (because it seems to never end) and having a family, but those take years to get. Years that could be full of hardships that make it not even worth it. I find myself always having to have something to look forward to in the foreseeable future and if I don't I think even more about why I'm here.
I was actually just stumbling (on stumbleupon.com), and I found an article about something called "existential depression" which actually encompasses everything I've said here. There's also stuff about an "existential crisis" which is basically what happens during this existential depression. At least I can be glad that other people have felt like this before although nothing I've fervently read in the past few hours has helped me get anywhere in my internal debate. Even when I do manage to get my mind away from thinking about life, I always manage to have this relapse and then it takes a long time for it to go away again.
As a random sidenote, I've been working on this post for a few weeks now. I've edited this thing so many times that I'm not sure it's even coherent anymore. I love self-censorship because even when I start on a tangent, I realize that I don't want people to know some things I think and I can just take it out. Anyways your welcome for another depressing post.
It seems like every day is the same way and my life has been on a loop for the past few months with a few other things happening once and a while that didn't happen before. Get up way too early to go to school, go to school, get out of school, go to work, go home, do homework, sleep. Repeat that and that's pretty much my life in an ever so unimportant nutshell.
Sure, there are things I look forward to in life like finally finishing school (because it seems to never end) and having a family, but those take years to get. Years that could be full of hardships that make it not even worth it. I find myself always having to have something to look forward to in the foreseeable future and if I don't I think even more about why I'm here.
I was actually just stumbling (on stumbleupon.com), and I found an article about something called "existential depression" which actually encompasses everything I've said here. There's also stuff about an "existential crisis" which is basically what happens during this existential depression. At least I can be glad that other people have felt like this before although nothing I've fervently read in the past few hours has helped me get anywhere in my internal debate. Even when I do manage to get my mind away from thinking about life, I always manage to have this relapse and then it takes a long time for it to go away again.
As a random sidenote, I've been working on this post for a few weeks now. I've edited this thing so many times that I'm not sure it's even coherent anymore. I love self-censorship because even when I start on a tangent, I realize that I don't want people to know some things I think and I can just take it out. Anyways your welcome for another depressing post.
3/26/11
Introversion
Recently I've been reading a lot about introverts and I realized that I fit the criteria (almost) perfectly. One of the things that I used to think was totally irrational for me to feel is how much I hate talking on the phone. It comforts me to know that a lot of other people are like this too and that it's an introvert thing. Whenever the phone rings, I tend to try to ignore it as much as possible unless I either know the call isn't for me (that way I can get rid of the phone really quickly) or if the person calling is someone I actually wanted to talk to at the time. Admittedly, I do have more reason for avoiding phones than just the introvert excuse, but still. Apparently even babbling is a sign of introversion which kind of surprised me because I thought introversion was the same thing as shyness but now I've read a few things that show they really aren't the same thing. I used to babble a lot; and I mean a lot, but I've gotten much better about it. Mostly because I now know that people don't really want to hear me talk. .
One article (An Introvert Offline is and Introvert Online) said that introverts are also likely to be those people that hardly ever post anything on Facebook and this completely applies to me too. Sometimes I do post something on there but then I delete it minutes or sometimes even seconds later. I worry that either it will be completely ignored by all 150 or so of my "friends" or even that someone will actually post on it. There's also the constant fear that someone on my friend's list might see something I post when I don't mean for them to or want them to.
I like being alone sometimes; probably more often than most people. This is pretty paradoxical to me because I hate thinking about life and stuff like that but being alone gives your mind time to wander and think about those things even if you try not to. At the same time, being surrounded by people is not somewhere I would want to be. I'd be way too self-conscious and have to think carefully about every single thing I said so as to keep up my standings with all of them. Even though I hate that saying about how you're different around different people, it's true. I don't think we can really help this happening though.
One of the few things that most introverts have that I don't is a good long-term memory. That's probably the best thing about introversion and I don't have it. Awesome.
One article (An Introvert Offline is and Introvert Online) said that introverts are also likely to be those people that hardly ever post anything on Facebook and this completely applies to me too. Sometimes I do post something on there but then I delete it minutes or sometimes even seconds later. I worry that either it will be completely ignored by all 150 or so of my "friends" or even that someone will actually post on it. There's also the constant fear that someone on my friend's list might see something I post when I don't mean for them to or want them to.
I like being alone sometimes; probably more often than most people. This is pretty paradoxical to me because I hate thinking about life and stuff like that but being alone gives your mind time to wander and think about those things even if you try not to. At the same time, being surrounded by people is not somewhere I would want to be. I'd be way too self-conscious and have to think carefully about every single thing I said so as to keep up my standings with all of them. Even though I hate that saying about how you're different around different people, it's true. I don't think we can really help this happening though.
One of the few things that most introverts have that I don't is a good long-term memory. That's probably the best thing about introversion and I don't have it. Awesome.
3/22/11
The Inner Workings
My brain seems to have trouble fully registering things. I still don't really comprehend that I just spent more than a week away from my family in a completely different country. It still hasn't hit me that I'm in my final quarter of high school and that I will be going off to college soon, and I can't even fathom not seeing all my friends every day. I never really understood that my grandmother passed away almost a year ago although I went to the funeral; it's almost like my brain is making me believe that she's just on vacation or that I just haven't seen her because I never really saw her that often.
On a related note of my brain being weird; I didn't think it was possible for my memory to be worse than it already was. Somewhat recently I've been "remembering" things that never actually happened to me. They aren't even anything that I would think could be important at all. I sometimes relive these "memories" and they are the most vivid things that I remember. This makes it so I completely believe they happened only to ask my parents about it and have them tell me that those events didn't happen. It seems like most of the memories I do actually remember are hard times that I went through and are hardly ever happy things. I do remember my godfather giving me a banana wearing pajamas that sang Peanut Butter Jelly Time (at least I think that was the song), but then I also recall that he passed away like 2 days later.
I've always had trouble remembering things both short-term and long-term, which I used to think was kinda funny and pretty normal, but now I think my brain is just completely weird. Every time I recall a "memory" of something and learn that it didn't happen I feel horrible and as if my mind is just lying to me. It makes me consider that my life could be a complete lie and that all my memories are fake which I know couldn't really be true but I can’t help being paranoid about it.
I don't remember my dreams either. I was reading in a book today during a dreadfully long shift at the library that said we have about 3.5 dreams every night. It's strange that I can seldom remember even one little tiny detail about any of those dreams at all. Then the book went on to say that this might happen because these dreams are more like nightmares and our subconscious might not want us to remember them. If that’s the case then I guess I should be glad that I don’t remember my dreams.
The constant reminders of my horrible memory are also becoming almost unbearable. Every time in school I have to write about something I've done or any memory at all, I can only think of the bad things. A lot of times it takes me longer to think of something I want to write about than to actually write about it.
They always say that our past experiences make up who we are. If I can't even remember my experiences, how can I know who I am?
Sorry for a sort of depressing post but I'll put up a happy one next time
On a related note of my brain being weird; I didn't think it was possible for my memory to be worse than it already was. Somewhat recently I've been "remembering" things that never actually happened to me. They aren't even anything that I would think could be important at all. I sometimes relive these "memories" and they are the most vivid things that I remember. This makes it so I completely believe they happened only to ask my parents about it and have them tell me that those events didn't happen. It seems like most of the memories I do actually remember are hard times that I went through and are hardly ever happy things. I do remember my godfather giving me a banana wearing pajamas that sang Peanut Butter Jelly Time (at least I think that was the song), but then I also recall that he passed away like 2 days later.
I've always had trouble remembering things both short-term and long-term, which I used to think was kinda funny and pretty normal, but now I think my brain is just completely weird. Every time I recall a "memory" of something and learn that it didn't happen I feel horrible and as if my mind is just lying to me. It makes me consider that my life could be a complete lie and that all my memories are fake which I know couldn't really be true but I can’t help being paranoid about it.
I don't remember my dreams either. I was reading in a book today during a dreadfully long shift at the library that said we have about 3.5 dreams every night. It's strange that I can seldom remember even one little tiny detail about any of those dreams at all. Then the book went on to say that this might happen because these dreams are more like nightmares and our subconscious might not want us to remember them. If that’s the case then I guess I should be glad that I don’t remember my dreams.
The constant reminders of my horrible memory are also becoming almost unbearable. Every time in school I have to write about something I've done or any memory at all, I can only think of the bad things. A lot of times it takes me longer to think of something I want to write about than to actually write about it.
They always say that our past experiences make up who we are. If I can't even remember my experiences, how can I know who I am?
Sorry for a sort of depressing post but I'll put up a happy one next time
2/27/11
How Does It Feel
One of the reasons that I don't like trying to tell people about what I'm feeling is because I know they can never possibly understand. No matter how much I can describe how I feel even though I hardly ever do, that's only the way I know how to convey it. They can't know exactly how I feel; how sad or how happy. Emotions are weird. We have words for them like happy or sad, but those words can't capture every type of feeling you can have. And it's rare that you only feel one emotion at a time. Plus there's always going to be a time when even you don't know how you feel. I know talking about it is supposed to help, but even so whoever you talk to can say they understand as many times as they want to but that's to make you feel better and not alone.
We talked about this in my TOK class last year although we mostly talked about trying to convey our feelings of physical pain. Let's say hypothetically you get shot and someone asks you to explain how it felt. You can use all the words you can possibly think of to describe it but they'll never know how it felt unless it happens to them. And even then they would most likely describe it differently than you did.
This is also the same with emotions and mental state. People can ask all they want how you feel and no matter what you say, all they can do is try and relate what you're saying to their experiences. Even if they have gone through the same exact thing as you have, they still won't feel everything the way you did. Part of this is how we interpret what's going on. While someone may be really bothered by something happening, another person could be okay with the same exact thing happening to them. I realize that I get stressed out about pretty much anything and I don't want to tell someone how much something is bothering me only to get that vibe that they're thinking Wow that is so unimportant why does it matter so much to her. We can believe all we want that we understand how someone feels, but it's just not possible.
We talked about this in my TOK class last year although we mostly talked about trying to convey our feelings of physical pain. Let's say hypothetically you get shot and someone asks you to explain how it felt. You can use all the words you can possibly think of to describe it but they'll never know how it felt unless it happens to them. And even then they would most likely describe it differently than you did.
This is also the same with emotions and mental state. People can ask all they want how you feel and no matter what you say, all they can do is try and relate what you're saying to their experiences. Even if they have gone through the same exact thing as you have, they still won't feel everything the way you did. Part of this is how we interpret what's going on. While someone may be really bothered by something happening, another person could be okay with the same exact thing happening to them. I realize that I get stressed out about pretty much anything and I don't want to tell someone how much something is bothering me only to get that vibe that they're thinking Wow that is so unimportant why does it matter so much to her. We can believe all we want that we understand how someone feels, but it's just not possible.
2/18/11
False Truth
How long and often should people live in lies and fantasies if they should at all? If it's not harming them, why tell them the truth? Some people can't handle the truth, and it's these people that we regularly find living in a fantasy land while they don't even apprehend they are. I guess it's different for everyone; I know people who I could never tell the truth to if I know it will upset them because they can't handle it. But I also know people who can accept reality and I know they will be okay if I tell them what I need to.
Sometimes we can have the mental capacity of children. We want to believe in the goodness of people and we trust them to tell us something if we need to know it. Children can't handle the truth of the world, even about little things because they can't be exposed to the darkness and corruption of the world when they are at such a young age that they can't understand why it is that they can't eat pizza every night for dinner. We have to let them believe in things that don't exist and it breaks their heart once they learn it was all a lie. So why do we tell children lies and keep feeding them false stories? It's because we just can't tell them the truth. We try to let them keep their innocence as long as we can because it's this innocence that is the hardest thing to see destroyed. And it's not something that we want to destroy ourselves.
I find myself feeling like this a lot lately. I know some people who I just can't tell them what they're missing because I know they can't take it. When someone like this misinterprets something or doesn't understand it, I can't bring myself to shatter their newly created reality. I get upset when I know I should say something but I just can't because I feel that the person should just be allowed to live in their world. But people shouldn't be able to live in their own worlds although that kind of is reality. Reality is different for everyone. Letting people believe in this false truth does make me feel bad, but inside I hope that they don't find out the truth. Because if they do find it and they know I didn't tell them, it's my fault. Not only this, but if they find the truth they're upset for not finding it before and then their truth is crushed which is devastating to anyone.
The worst thing is when you try so hard to cover up the truth that you spin a web of lies. Sometimes I try too hard to not let people figure out something because I feel that it will hurt them more to find out than to keep on believing. If something really does need to be said, it still takes me a while to be able to say it and even when I do, I try to say it the nicest way possible to those people that need it to be sweetened up. I'm just not good at being straightforward, but especially not with those people that seem to still have some resemblance of the childlike innocence we all sometimes wish we still had. But at the same time having this innocence seems more like a curse to me.
"I couldn't lie anymore sir. Because everyone knows the weight of a lie makes your soul so heavy that you can't rise up to heaven... And you don't look good in jeans from behind." -Kenneth in 30 Rock
Sometimes we can have the mental capacity of children. We want to believe in the goodness of people and we trust them to tell us something if we need to know it. Children can't handle the truth of the world, even about little things because they can't be exposed to the darkness and corruption of the world when they are at such a young age that they can't understand why it is that they can't eat pizza every night for dinner. We have to let them believe in things that don't exist and it breaks their heart once they learn it was all a lie. So why do we tell children lies and keep feeding them false stories? It's because we just can't tell them the truth. We try to let them keep their innocence as long as we can because it's this innocence that is the hardest thing to see destroyed. And it's not something that we want to destroy ourselves.
I find myself feeling like this a lot lately. I know some people who I just can't tell them what they're missing because I know they can't take it. When someone like this misinterprets something or doesn't understand it, I can't bring myself to shatter their newly created reality. I get upset when I know I should say something but I just can't because I feel that the person should just be allowed to live in their world. But people shouldn't be able to live in their own worlds although that kind of is reality. Reality is different for everyone. Letting people believe in this false truth does make me feel bad, but inside I hope that they don't find out the truth. Because if they do find it and they know I didn't tell them, it's my fault. Not only this, but if they find the truth they're upset for not finding it before and then their truth is crushed which is devastating to anyone.
The worst thing is when you try so hard to cover up the truth that you spin a web of lies. Sometimes I try too hard to not let people figure out something because I feel that it will hurt them more to find out than to keep on believing. If something really does need to be said, it still takes me a while to be able to say it and even when I do, I try to say it the nicest way possible to those people that need it to be sweetened up. I'm just not good at being straightforward, but especially not with those people that seem to still have some resemblance of the childlike innocence we all sometimes wish we still had. But at the same time having this innocence seems more like a curse to me.
"I couldn't lie anymore sir. Because everyone knows the weight of a lie makes your soul so heavy that you can't rise up to heaven... And you don't look good in jeans from behind." -Kenneth in 30 Rock
2/12/11
Some Random Rambling
I've been thinking lately and it's just random thinking which is kind of weird. So these are just a few things that I've been thinking about.
1. Merit pay for teachers
Can someone tell me why this could be a good idea at all? Basing teachers' pay off of the performance of students is ridiculous. If these aptitude tests only count for seeing how much a teacher gets paid, and most of the students who have the teacher don't like him/her they could all fail it just so the teacher could get fired. And how is that going to help? A fully competent teacher could get fired just for not being liked by his/her students. Also, certain kids are expected to be at different levels. If this could have any chance of working, there would have to be about 600 different tests made; all for different schools. Teachers can't work miracles. And kids have to want to help themselves for them to be able to keep up with the work and be successful. The whole thing is just absurd to me.
2. Buying those "limited edition" coins
Why would you do that? I saw an ad in the newspaper the other day with a great offer in it: buy a "limited edition" $2 coin for $399. To me that's basically going up to the company and saying "Hey can I get change for this $100 bill?" and they say "What do you want to exchange for" then you say "A $1 bill". That's just completely unrealistic. I understand the whole wanting to collect the coins because they did look pretty cool but why pay that much money for a pretty looking coin (about quarter-sized) when you can buy a perfectly shiny PS3 that you can actually play with?
3. Using a girl voice actor for a guy in cartoons
Seriously? Why would they even do that? I've been watching an anime called Soul Eater and one of the characters named Black Star is voiced by a really obnoxious girl. And yes, Black Star is a boy. And Ash in Pokemon is voiced by a girl too. I'd been watching Soul Eater for a couple of hours but then I had to stop because Black Star was making me annoyed. Part of that is probably the actual character but the fact that a person that looks like a guy but talks like a girl is obnoxious too. I literally skip past any scene with Black Star in it because I just can't stand the voice.
4. Those awkward movie scenes
I can't be the only one who wonders what happens after those awkward conversations in movies where the people end up just sitting there looking at each other. Do they just get up and leave at the same time or just sit there for a while until one of them awkwardly decides to get up? Or do they possibly just start up some small talk? This keeps bothering me because I know scenes in real life don't just fade out and be over.
1. Merit pay for teachers
Can someone tell me why this could be a good idea at all? Basing teachers' pay off of the performance of students is ridiculous. If these aptitude tests only count for seeing how much a teacher gets paid, and most of the students who have the teacher don't like him/her they could all fail it just so the teacher could get fired. And how is that going to help? A fully competent teacher could get fired just for not being liked by his/her students. Also, certain kids are expected to be at different levels. If this could have any chance of working, there would have to be about 600 different tests made; all for different schools. Teachers can't work miracles. And kids have to want to help themselves for them to be able to keep up with the work and be successful. The whole thing is just absurd to me.
2. Buying those "limited edition" coins
Why would you do that? I saw an ad in the newspaper the other day with a great offer in it: buy a "limited edition" $2 coin for $399. To me that's basically going up to the company and saying "Hey can I get change for this $100 bill?" and they say "What do you want to exchange for" then you say "A $1 bill". That's just completely unrealistic. I understand the whole wanting to collect the coins because they did look pretty cool but why pay that much money for a pretty looking coin (about quarter-sized) when you can buy a perfectly shiny PS3 that you can actually play with?
3. Using a girl voice actor for a guy in cartoons
Seriously? Why would they even do that? I've been watching an anime called Soul Eater and one of the characters named Black Star is voiced by a really obnoxious girl. And yes, Black Star is a boy. And Ash in Pokemon is voiced by a girl too. I'd been watching Soul Eater for a couple of hours but then I had to stop because Black Star was making me annoyed. Part of that is probably the actual character but the fact that a person that looks like a guy but talks like a girl is obnoxious too. I literally skip past any scene with Black Star in it because I just can't stand the voice.
4. Those awkward movie scenes
I can't be the only one who wonders what happens after those awkward conversations in movies where the people end up just sitting there looking at each other. Do they just get up and leave at the same time or just sit there for a while until one of them awkwardly decides to get up? Or do they possibly just start up some small talk? This keeps bothering me because I know scenes in real life don't just fade out and be over.
2/1/11
Remains
1/23/11
Hopes and Expectations
Sounds like a song title. I grouped these two things together because they are pretty similar.
Hope can help us through dark times with promises that it will get better, but what if it doesn't? And what happens with false hope? Something you hope for might help you with a circumstance, but some people just hope for something better and do nothing about it. Having hope can be good, but not having too much hope. In the case of false hope, where what you are hoping for has almost no chance of happening, why bother constructing that hope in the first place? Hope seems like a mind trick that we use to deceive ourselves. I think of it as a sort of temporary solution. Not surprisingly, there have been psychological studies about hope and one found that college students who were low in hope in their first year had worse degree results three years later. Pessimistic people as I tend to be can't really have hope.
Expectations are hard not to have. Whenever we make any decisions, even about little things, we have to think of what can happen from those choices. If we expect something to happen and it doesn't, it's really disappointing. That's why I avoid having any type of expectations or I at least try to lower my expectations to be realistic. With low or no expectations, then either your expectations are met or you get better than what you expected. Win-win situation. With high expectations usually comes disappointment. And one of my least favorite things is disappointment.
Some people have such high hopes and expectations that they can't be reached. And people are surprised when they can't accomplish things they want to. Setting the bar too high isn't good.
Hope can help us through dark times with promises that it will get better, but what if it doesn't? And what happens with false hope? Something you hope for might help you with a circumstance, but some people just hope for something better and do nothing about it. Having hope can be good, but not having too much hope. In the case of false hope, where what you are hoping for has almost no chance of happening, why bother constructing that hope in the first place? Hope seems like a mind trick that we use to deceive ourselves. I think of it as a sort of temporary solution. Not surprisingly, there have been psychological studies about hope and one found that college students who were low in hope in their first year had worse degree results three years later. Pessimistic people as I tend to be can't really have hope.
Expectations are hard not to have. Whenever we make any decisions, even about little things, we have to think of what can happen from those choices. If we expect something to happen and it doesn't, it's really disappointing. That's why I avoid having any type of expectations or I at least try to lower my expectations to be realistic. With low or no expectations, then either your expectations are met or you get better than what you expected. Win-win situation. With high expectations usually comes disappointment. And one of my least favorite things is disappointment.
Some people have such high hopes and expectations that they can't be reached. And people are surprised when they can't accomplish things they want to. Setting the bar too high isn't good.
"Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest."
1/12/11
The Bachelor / Bachelorette
First off, I'm not sure how I got started watching this show, but I did. It's not a show I would think I'd watch, but I just do because... I do. Can't really explain it. It's not even that I like it that much.
(From now on I'm just going to talk about the Bachelor because I don't want to have to keep tying him/her and stuff like that.)
I don't understand how going on this show is supposed to let you find your "one". As far as I know, the Bachelor does not pick who is going to come and compete to win him over. So if you have other people going through the applications of the people who want to go on the show, how can you know your “one” is someone that walks out of the limo to meet you? And the girls that are chosen don't even know who they're applying to go meet. They don't know who the Bachelor is until they step out of the limo in front of the huge mansion they are to live in. Plus, for the sake of having good television, the people they pick out to try and win over the Bachelor are always pretty. Nobody wants to see ugly people on TV.The whole thing I have against the show is that anyone can fall in love when put in the right environment. If you spend time in a romantic place like Hawaii doing romantic things, than obviously you're going to fall faster than if it's a normal take it slow relationship. Heck, if a guy took me to a bunch of romantic places all the time I can almost guarantee I'd fall for him. Put pretty much anyone in the right environment and they'll fall in love in less time than Lindsay Lohan has spent in jail/rehab (sorry, lame similie). After watching all the episodes I've watched, I know that it almost always ends in heartbreak for everyone eventually. I don't have a statistic here, but I'm pretty sure a lot of the couples that end up together don't stay together. Not saying that it's a majority or anything, but still. And the things people do on national television. Crazy catfights all the time on the Bachelor. One guy got a tattoo of a shield and a heart during the show to show the Bachelorette that he was completely serious about him saying he would "guard and protect" her heart. I swear that guy said that phrase 40 times an episode. Nothing says ultra-stalker creepy than a cheesy guy who gets a tattoo to show his cheesiness is as serious as cheese can be. Nobody likes fake cheese. Especially the Bachelorette who left the guy on a snowy mountain top after the date during which he showed her his tattoo. Maybe she just didn't like the colors?
The worst thing you can say about anyone on the show is not calling them a name or even spreading rumors, but to tell them that you think they're there "for the wrong reasons". And sadly the producers/people who pick the prospective love interests almost always have to pick someone who actually doesn't care (at least on the Bachelorette). I usually don't end up watching the Bachelorette because while there may be cute guys, it usually ends up that one is a complete jerk who just wants to get publicity for his wrestling career (reference to last season). He literally ran away from the Bachelorette when she found out that he had a girlfriend already and came on the show with a girlfriend. And watching the Bachelorette constantly cry her eyes out over another jerk is just sad. That's the main reason I don't watch it.
On the Bachelor, a lot of times it seems like the women fighting over the one man aren't really doing that. They're more competing with each other than trying to get the Bachelor. They get in fights because one person got more time with the Bachelor than they did and that is apparently grounds for a yelling match. It's somewhat understandable, but especially at the beginning when there are 30 people there, how much time can you really expect to get with him? Just one minute per person is 30 minutes. It's horrible how in the first episode the Bachelor has to get rid of 10 girls. He met them that day and sends them home after a few hours of a party during which he most likely had no chance to really get to meet them. So basically the 20 that get to stay are the one the Bachelor thinks looks the best.
Overall though, the show is pretty immature. Especially the Bachelor. There's more drama with women obviously. With all the women constantly saying things like "how dare she kiss my man" and things like that, it gets really annoying. Maybe I just like to watch the show to see how stupid some people can be. It does make me laugh. Except for the girl who has vampire fangs on the current season of the Bachelor. She does not make me laugh. Okay just a little.
And then there’s the pressure of having to pick someone. If the Bachelor didn’t propose to someone they met say 2 months ago at the end of the show, it would leave disappointed fans. The producers of the show can’t let that happen because fans=money. Easy equation but complicated stuff. One season a Bachelor ended up not picking anyone and the whole world hated him. He had to go to therapy and everything. Personally I think he made a good choice. If he knew he didn’t want to marry either one of the women he had at the end, then by not choosing them he saved both them and him the trouble of going through a relationship he didn’t really want to be in. People say he led them on and things like that, but he pretty much has to for the show to be a show.
In the current season of the Bachelor it seems like all the women picked were ones who have gone through some sort of traumatic experience in their life. A few of them have had a dad that died somewhat recently, and one girl's fiancee died in a plane crash which I admit when she told the story I cried. This puts even more pressure on the Bachelor. How bad would you feel to dump someone who just told you about something so sad and they've just opened up to you?
In the current season of the Bachelor it seems like all the women picked were ones who have gone through some sort of traumatic experience in their life. A few of them have had a dad that died somewhat recently, and one girl's fiancee died in a plane crash which I admit when she told the story I cried. This puts even more pressure on the Bachelor. How bad would you feel to dump someone who just told you about something so sad and they've just opened up to you?
This was a fun rant and I now realize I had a lot more to say about this show than I thought I did. I'm not even sure if I covered everything. The End.
1/7/11
La Burbuja
In a recent (well it was recent when I started this as a draft) episode of 30 Rock that I was watching, Liz was dating a cute doctor (I forget his name) and the topic of the episode was this sort of "bubble" around people who look good. When they went to get dinner, no matter how long the wait line, he would go up to the waitress and ask for the next table and they would give it to him. Liz played tennis against him and he was really horrible at it, but then people started asking him for lessons. Then, Liz chokes on food (which she does a lot), and the doctor didn't even know how to do the Heimlich for her. The point was that the people in the figurative "bubble" don't realize that they're actually bad at things and everyone else just goes with the flow. I know 30 Rock makes everything dramatic, but isn't this true? People that are thought of to be "pretty" are treated differently in our society which is wrong, because there's always more than meets the eye.
It's human nature to base our views of people on what we can see, and because we can't see what's inside of people unless we have X-Ray vision, we focus just on how people look. We can't help that our first impression of someone is based on how they look. It's ironic that we get our first impression this way and you can be so very wrong about that person, although sometimes you are proven right. And when you never really talk to someone, your first impression and observations of them are all you have to judge them by. We may try to not base what we first think of someone on what we see, but we can't help it. We like to focus on aesthetics and what we can actually see.
"Reality is reality, whether you accept the bare facts or not"
It's human nature to base our views of people on what we can see, and because we can't see what's inside of people unless we have X-Ray vision, we focus just on how people look. We can't help that our first impression of someone is based on how they look. It's ironic that we get our first impression this way and you can be so very wrong about that person, although sometimes you are proven right. And when you never really talk to someone, your first impression and observations of them are all you have to judge them by. We may try to not base what we first think of someone on what we see, but we can't help it. We like to focus on aesthetics and what we can actually see.
"Reality is reality, whether you accept the bare facts or not"
1/2/11
✿Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?✿
"When you complicate, you are left behind" -Symmetry by Falling Up
Sadly this is true. When you just complicate someone's life, odds are they don't really want you to be there. People like uncomplicating people who can just be there and someone they can just have fun with. This is especially true in the beginning stages of a relationship. Most likely if you're bringing a lot of problems with you when you meet them, people won't want to deal with it. This is horrible because it's those people that need to have people around them the most. I'm not saying this is true of all people to be like this, but in general humans don't like to hang out with sad people or ones that are always complaining. I generally follow this trend too even though I agree that it's not a good one. Even though I'm someone who likes to help people with problems, I'm not so willing to deal with problems that people I hardly know have. And right when I meet someone I don't like if all they talk about is their problems and don't want to listen to you. Don't get me wrong I know people need to talk about things but once they've said their problems two billion times (literally of course) it gets annoying. But when you're close to someone and have known them for a long time and they are complicating your life, you deal with it because it's worth staying with them.
This is the same factor that plays in with the saying that you know who your true friends are because they stick with you no matter what. The best friends are the ones who stick with you "through thick and thin" yadda yadda you know the gist of it. When you have baggage (not the kind you pick up at the baggage claim in the airport), the people who stay with you are the ones that feel close to you. Normally people don't want to hear your drama unless they're close to you. We'd rather watch people on TV go through drama, that's why there are so many drama shows.
I totally need a cool sign-off, but seeing as I can't even think of post titles...
The End.
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